Jokes and Humor

[dademoss]

 

[LadyLocust]

 

[LadyLocust]

 

[LadyLocust]

 

[LadyLocust]

 

[LadyLocust]

Okay, y'all know I'm warped - I think this is sooo funny!

 

[LadyLocust]

You might be a redneck if. . .

 

[Caribou]

. You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one! You don't even have to like 'em! We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the back yard, scoots back into the front door. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.' A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! The cab driver hit a parked car.

 

[jshay]

 

[VThillman]

View attachment 88881

I thought I had a clever comment about this, but it turned to stupid before I even started typing.

 

[SheepDog]

I was thinking of a way to lay the electric fence across the trap between her thighs...
I wonder how many times I would have to plug it back in before she became more compliant???

 

[bkt]

View attachment 88881

That's nature's way of saying "not tonight".

But if you have cats or dogs, that electric no-no fence will keep everyone awake. Ask me how I know. :/

 

[Neb]

That's nature's way of saying "not tonight".

But if you have cats or dogs, that electric no-no fence will keep everyone awake. Ask me how I know. :/

15 minutes is not worth a conflict.

Ben

 

[dademoss]

 

[Neb]

A fellow I met this week end liked thought invoking riddles and stories. I shocked him asking questions and noting details but he did do good with ...

"
There are 365 days in a year but only 12 seconds.
"


How so?

Ben

 

[dademoss]

A fellow I met this week end liked thought invoking riddles and stories. I shocked him asking questions and noting details but he did do good with ...

"
There are 365 days in a year but only 12 seconds.
"


How so?

Ben

Neb/Ben

Too early to ruin your riddle, we will let others weigh in

I drink, and I know things

 

[LadyLocust]

A fellow I met this week end liked thought invoking riddles and stories. I shocked him asking questions and noting details but he did do good with ...

"
There are 365 days in a year but only 12 seconds.
"


How so?

Ben

Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd. . . (Is this really the right answer? I'm usually terrible at riddles.)

 

[Pearl]

I thought I had a clever comment about this, but it turned to stupid before I even started typing.

Something like, how many guys wouldn't even notice!??

 

[jshay]

 

[jshay]

 

[Sparky_D]

View attachment 88884

Yes

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[Neb]

Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd. . . (Is this really the right answer? I'm usually terrible at riddles.)

Correct

 

[jshay]

Correct

How could the 22nd fit in to the riddle?

 

[joel]

How could the 22nd fit in to the riddle?

Each month has a 2nd day in it X 12 =12 2nds.

 

[jshay]

Yes there are 12 2nds and 20 2nds

 

[rusty]

 

[dademoss]

 

[Pearl]

View attachment 88907

Somebody will still drive into it!!