Jokes and Humor

[Woody]

 

[Woody]

 

[Woody]

 

[Woody]

 

[Woody]

 

[Bacpacker]

Every office has a lunch bandit.
View attachment 110635

True story:
In a factory where I worked, we had an "Immigrant worker" Who decided he was entitled to my lunch, now since I liked the job, I asked the boss SEVERAL TIMES to make him stop stealing my lunch. Well, Friday came, he stole my lunch and I had to pull a double shift and I hadn't cashed my check yet, I told the boss, I said: Look man, He gets a paycheck bigger than mine and he gets free food and housing to boot, He doesn't need to steal my damn lunch every day, I've seen him do it, I've been told he did it, and he's on video doing it, now if you won't stop it I will! Well, I got preached at about workplace violence, etc, and I went home angry and hungry. that night I made a SPECIAL Sub sandwich just for him! I held the bread under my armpits and a couple of other places that screamed for washing in the 135-degree oven heat, Slathered it in mayonnaise, and raw egg yolk, and finally spit in it for that "Just right" flavor and stuck it in the back of the car until Monday, two full days in the north Georgia sun, then I stuck it in my lunch box. Around half an hour before lunch, I took a break and let him see me go to the other end of the plant to get a box of tenter pins. I got back and sure enough, Speedy Gonzolaez had taken the bait and I sat back to watch the fun! Sure enough, he disappeared right at lunch, then again a few minutes later, then again, and finally, he never came back! The boss came up near quitting time yelling he knew I had done something to one of his "pets" And I said look, Is that MY lunch box? he nodded. Is there any company regulation on what food I have in it or how it's cooked? He shrugged. And If I forget to take a sandwich out of it over the weekend and some fool eats it, was it MY fault? He was turning pink. He's on life support you A-Hole he has acute salmonella and E coli! Tough. care to take it up with the floor manager? tell you what, I will on the way out the door to go get my lawyer's opinion on you guys allowing workplace harassment! Well, his eyes bugged out, he shut up and left. Speedy the dinner thief came back after a couple of weeks, and never again was my lunch box bothered. And the moral of the story? Don't irritate the guy who studied germ warfare as a hobby!

I had an idiot stealing my lunch where I used to work. Never could catch him. So one day I had some leftover casserole and mixed in a bunch of exlax. Wasnt long till I figured out who it was. Never list another meal either

 

[dademoss]

@Pearl

 

[Pearl]

@Pearl

View attachment 110666

Right away! I do that kind of stuff

 

[The Lazy L]

 

[dademoss]

 

[dademoss]

 

[joel]

I had an idiot stealing my lunch where I used to work. Never could catch him. So one day I had some leftover casserole and mixed in a bunch of exlax. Wasnt long till I figured out who it was. Never list another meal either

Father was in grade school & someone older took his home made candy.
So Granddaddy gave him chocolate Exlax & that stopped the problem..
GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE.

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[dademoss]

 

[winds-of-change]

Every office has a lunch bandit.
View attachment 110635

True story:
In a factory where I worked, we had an "Immigrant worker" Who decided he was entitled to my lunch, now since I liked the job, I asked the boss SEVERAL TIMES to make him stop stealing my lunch. Well, Friday came, he stole my lunch and I had to pull a double shift and I hadn't cashed my check yet, I told the boss, I said: Look man, He gets a paycheck bigger than mine and he gets free food and housing to boot, He doesn't need to steal my damn lunch every day, I've seen him do it, I've been told he did it, and he's on video doing it, now if you won't stop it I will! Well, I got preached at about workplace violence, etc, and I went home angry and hungry. that night I made a SPECIAL Sub sandwich just for him! I held the bread under my armpits and a couple of other places that screamed for washing in the 135-degree oven heat, Slathered it in mayonnaise, and raw egg yolk, and finally spit in it for that "Just right" flavor and stuck it in the back of the car until Monday, two full days in the north Georgia sun, then I stuck it in my lunch box. Around half an hour before lunch, I took a break and let him see me go to the other end of the plant to get a box of tenter pins. I got back and sure enough, Speedy Gonzolaez had taken the bait and I sat back to watch the fun! Sure enough, he disappeared right at lunch, then again a few minutes later, then again, and finally, he never came back! The boss came up near quitting time yelling he knew I had done something to one of his "pets" And I said look, Is that MY lunch box? he nodded. Is there any company regulation on what food I have in it or how it's cooked? He shrugged. And If I forget to take a sandwich out of it over the weekend and some fool eats it, was it MY fault? He was turning pink. He's on life support you A-Hole he has acute salmonella and E coli! Tough. care to take it up with the floor manager? tell you what, I will on the way out the door to go get my lawyer's opinion on you guys allowing workplace harassment! Well, his eyes bugged out, he shut up and left. Speedy the dinner thief came back after a couple of weeks, and never again was my lunch box bothered. And the moral of the story? Don't irritate the guy who studied germ warfare as a hobby!

I would have put a hair in it for good measure.

 

[Woody]

 

[Woody]

 

[Magus]

double post

 

[Magus]

I would have put a hair in it for good measure.

One may have come out of my armpit or some other not-so-clean body part it got wiped on.
TMI=Bad for a family forum.

 

[dademoss]

 

[dademoss]

 

[Magus]

Mostly work safe:
Stupidity should hurt. here is a whole video of stupid getting hurt!

 

[Neb]

View attachment 110745

That is soooo good!

Ben

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[Sparky_D]