Jokes and Humor

[dademoss]

To keep the 5hread on topic.

Sea story time

After graduating from kl-10 school I was scheduled to do the maintenance on Sunday night at midnight on the 7 mainframes they used. That involved checking fans and voltages. An experienced engineer was also there in the event there were problems

While checking the 24v supplies I shorted the 24v to the 5v buss. I went to fetch the experienced guy who was sitting in the lunchroom. I told him I screwed and he replied;

"You broke it. You fix it."

I ended up having to replace 7 boards I had blown out. But I did finish before 8AM so all was well.

Which reminds of an off color joke that poked fun at IBM engineers. The punch line was the field engineer on his wedding night saying;

"Don't worry I will have it up by morning."



Ben

WAYYYYY back in 1981 we had a "Macsym II" data aquistion computer, ran a custom superset of basic. It was the most cantankerous thing I have ever seen, usually I knew where to kick it to get it into the boot sequence. One day that didn't work, and the lead E&I guy told me clean the boards.

He came back from lunch and asked how it went? I told him I steam cleaned them all, put it together and and it went POP and smoke came out . His look was PRICELESS. I didn't do that, cleaned the board contacts with cleaner and it started right up

 

[dademoss]

 

[Magus]

So our coater was run off a 486 with 3" or 5" floppy drives. and sure as rain on Sunday morning, it goes down while our tech guy was on vacation and couldn't be reached, so we brought in an outsourced guy, he took the lid off, blew it off with a can of air, reseated the ram, all of which took five minutes and gives our boss the bill. well my scumbag boss turns purple and craps ten shades in his drawers! "You worked five minutes and you want me to pay you this much?!" The guy said "Yes."
My boss looks fit to choke.
The guy says.
"Could YOU fix it?"
Well...No.
"Did you go to technical school?"
"No."
"Are you paying off your student loan?"
"NO!"
"And obviously you didn't get up at 4:00 AM and drive two hours to get here."
"NO!"
"Like I said. fifteen hundred bucks.
Bill paid the bill.
The moral of the story is:
Be kind to your tech dude, he might not have an apprentice!

 

[Magus]

OH, Speaking of our tech dude. One day Bill the scumbag boss. (No really, he was an absolute waste of human life!) Refused to let our tech guy have a day off for a funeral, which was illegal! So he quits, but before he left, he put a ten-pound magnet on top of the floppy discs with a lovely note explaining to Bill just where he could shove his sweatshop carpet mill. there were no backups to be found, they belonged to the tech guy!
Let me tell you about "Bill" Bill Clinton looks like a saint compared to him!
He fired me because his brother wanted my job.
He paid off the company vet to say my ankle wasn't broken. (I limp to this day!)
He cheated on his wife and made a game of stealing other men's wives.
He'd come to work half drunk with coke on his bush lip and I don't mean cola!
He stole from the company he was a partner in. Literally whole rolls of carpet!
He stole from the shop.
He hired all his equally useless buddies to run key operations. They used to bring me in after three hours of sleep because his drinking buddy on maintenance was drunk again and something broke! After I put a stop to that crap was when I got canned.
He kamikazed the company the year after I left.
I hear he's dead. Satan better watch his back!

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[Magus]

YIKES!

 

[Woody]

 

[Woody]

 

[Woody]

 

[dademoss]

 

[LadyLocust]

View attachment 118858

And I thought raining cats and dogs would be bad!

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[WVDragonlady]

Turn your clocks back this weekend

 

[Frodo]

 

[Frodo]

Hu

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word or political. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless"with a big smile on his face.

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[Woody]

 

[Woody]

 

[Frodo]

View attachment 118844

I was in Breckinridge co working . one night at the local pub. Macgyver comes in with his people. He got really really pissed off because folks were handing him napkins, olives, tooth picks and other bar items while demanding he make something go boom
Ï

 

[Woody]

 

[Woody]

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[Frodo]

View attachment 118918

I stole this

 

[Caribou]

 

[jazzy]

2 year old dancing to jail house rock. this kids got a future

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[Woody]

It has been a long time since I drank a beer, but I think this young lady is not doing it correctly.

https://gab.com/system/media_attachments/files/152/091/248/playable/52f6638f03e9f41f.mp4