Old Age Question About Rural Living Alone

[Meerkat]

Glad I ask y'all about this subject. Lots of good answers ,as usual.
I don't like learning lessons the hard way although at times I still do.

 

[angie_nrs]

My grandmother is currently in an assisted living care home. She has her own room with a lockable door leading out into the hallway. There are gathering areas throughout the facility as well as all meals served in the dining area. It's a new facility and is very nice. I wouldn't mind living there now. LOL! Her apartment has a kitchen, bathroom bedroom, dining room, and living room.....basically all the amenities of home with the addition of a call light in her bedroom and living room should she ever need it. Someone checks on her at least twice per day and does light housework such as making the bed, laundry, vacuuming, and cleaning any dishes. Her foot doctor and physical therapist come to her. She also has choices of several activities and outings to choose from, although she hardly ever does. I don't know how much it costs her, but she sold her condo and has SS along with retirement to draw upon so she can afford it.

If I were alone, I might like to try a situation such as the one above. However, in my area, we don't have anything like this so I would have to move.

Should I ever need to house a family member, I'm prepared to do so. It would require some light preparations like moving some stuff around, but we do have a plan in place. I'm hoping we will never need to use it, but should a fire or some other circumstance happen that our kids, siblings, parents, etc. NEED a place to stay, we have it covered.

 

[Meerkat]

My grandmother is currently in an assisted living care home. She has her own room with a lockable door leading out into the hallway. There are gathering areas throughout the facility as well as all meals served in the dining area. It's a new facility and is very nice. I wouldn't mind living there now. LOL! Her apartment has a kitchen, bathroom bedroom, dining room, and living room.....basically all the amenities of home with the addition of a call light in her bedroom and living room should she ever need it. Someone checks on her at least twice per day and does light housework such as making the bed, laundry, vacuuming, and cleaning any dishes. Her foot doctor and physical therapist come to her. She also has choices of several activities and outings to choose from, although she hardly ever does. I don't know how much it costs her, but she sold her condo and has SS along with retirement to draw upon so she can afford it.

If I were alone, I might like to try a situation such as the one above. However, in my area, we don't have anything like this so I would have to move.

Should I ever need to house a family member, I'm prepared to do so. It would require some light preparations like moving some stuff around, but we do have a plan in place. I'm hoping we will never need to use it, but should a fire or some other circumstance happen that our kids, siblings, parents, etc. NEED a place to stay, we have it covered.

My kids do ok and one wanted to go into some kind of business.

I told her there is a need for all of us baby boomer's for places of alternatives to retiring. A place kinda like where your granny is at but more affordable.
With a little back yard for small garden or small dog. But the dog part would have to have strict rules. Or a senior type community with small staff. of seniors who are able to help with the work. She didn't like the idea and I really don't blame her.

 

[angie_nrs]

My kids do ok and one wanted to go into some kind of business.

I told her there is a need for all of us baby boomer's for places of alternatives to retiring. A place kinda like where your granny is at but more affordable.
With a little back yard for small garden or small dog. But the dog part would have to have strict rules. Or a senior type community with small staff. of seniors who are able to help with the work. She didn't like the idea and I really don't blame her.

To start a business such as that would require a ton of paperwork, certifications, and money to get it off the ground. It is highly regulated. There are also staffing issues that are a challenge around here b/c nobody wants to work and there are help wanted signs out everywhere. Any healthcare worker around here (even CNA's) can pretty much name their price and their terms. That's part of the reason why these places are so darned expensive! I agree with you and your daughter, I think there are far too many challenges for a first time business owner to start with an assisted living facility.

 

[Meerkat]

To start a business such as that would require a ton of paperwork, certifications, and money to get it off the ground. It is highly regulated. There are also staffing issues that are a challenge around here b/c nobody wants to work and there are help wanted signs out everywhere. Any healthcare worker around here (even CNA's) can pretty much name their price and their terms. That's part of the reason why these places are so darned expensive! I agree with you and your daughter, I think there are far too many challenges for a first time business owner to start with an assisted living facility.

Your correct and that is a shame but it is what it is.
I'm conservative but this unconstitutional way of doing business is not legal. More a Banana Republic form of government run and ruled by carpetbagging oligarchs.

 

[zoomzoom]

Your correct and that is a shame but it is what it is.
I'm conservative but this unconstitutional way of doing business is not legal. More a Banana Republic form of government run and ruled by carpetbagging oligarchs.

As it relates to medical professions and thinking of your own health, don't you want accredited professionals based on your medical needs? If you have a severe medical issue, do you want to go to a licensed doctor/professional or do you talk with your grocery store cashier to get a diagnosis?

As it relates to paperwork, that's pretty much required. Not only do they need to handle all of your personal info, demographics, charting, tests..., there's also dealing with insurances, especially for seniors. A senior in a nursing home may have Medicaid, Medicare and private/commercial insurance as a supplement. Getting the billing straight as to what insurer pays first and how much, followed by secondary and tertiary payers can get complicated. Payment by insurers is also determined by diseases, procedures performed, treatments so you need specialized staff for coding the medical record in preparation for billing. To give you an idea, Medical Records Coders have to determine the correct code(s) for the patient's visit out of a list of over 70,000 codes. Look up ICD-10 for more details. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ICD-10

I've spent over 30 years of my professional life developing computer systems for very large health systems to handle these paperwork functions. I assure you, it's not an easy system.

 

[Meerkat]

As it relates to medical professions and thinking of your own health, don't you want accredited professionals based on your medical needs? If you have a severe medical issue, do you want to go to a licensed doctor/professional or do you talk with your grocery store cashier to get a diagnosis?

As it relates to paperwork, that's pretty much required. Not only do they need to handle all of your personal info, demographics, charting, tests..., there's also dealing with insurances, especially for seniors. A senior in a nursing home may have Medicaid, Medicare and private/commercial insurance as a supplement. Getting the billing straight as to what insurer pays first and how much, followed by secondary and tertiary payers can get complicated. Payment by insurers is also determined by diseases, procedures performed, treatments so you need specialized staff for coding the medical record in preparation for billing. To give you an idea, Medical Records Coders have to determine the correct code(s) for the patient's visit out of a list of over 70,000 codes. Look up ICD-10 for more details. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ICD-10

I've spent over 30 years of my professional life developing computer systems for very large health systems to handle these paperwork functions. I assure you, it's not an easy system.

Of course your correct. I didn't make myself clear so my fault.
I meant an assisted living place for seniors who are not sick or in need of medical care on the grounds. Yet don't need or want to be alone and don't want or need the work of keeping up a house or yard.
I

 

[zoomzoom]

Gotcha. When you stated "assisted" living, I assumed medical and other support required. My comments were in reply to your reply about starting a business which I assumed required medical staff.

 

[backlash]

I have seen this first hand and it's not pretty.
People get old and need help but can't afford to pay for it.
If they don't have family that can help they are left to the mercy of the government and we all know the government has no mercy.
People need to talk to a lawyer sooner rather than later and get their affairs in order.
Especially if you are getting help from some government agency.
You can protect your assets from the government but there are time limits that you need to be aware of.
If you wait until you're at the end of life and you sign over your property the government can still step in and claim it.
In Washington state I think you need to transfer property at least 5 years before you die or there will be problems.
Very few people are truly prepared for old age and the challenges they will face.
My Aunt takes her neighbor to cancer treatments several times every week.
Her husband used to take her but he bought a new pair of shoes and got a blister from them.
The blister got infected and he has diabetes and wound up losing his leg from above the knee.
So now my Aunt has taken on the responsibility even though she is just a neighbor.
What will happen to the neighbor if my Aunt can't help?
My Mother always worried about what would happen to my handicapped brother when she died.
My wife and I told her would always take care of him.
When mom died my wife and I sold our house, I changed jobs and we moved to my folks place.
We gave up everything for him because it was the right thing to do even tho it was difficult for us especially my wife.
Her family now lives over 3 hours away and she doesn't get to see them as much.
Sorry for rambling on but this hits very close to home for me.

 

[Meerkat]

I have seen this first hand and it's not pretty.
People get old and need help but can't afford to pay for it.
If they don't have family that can help they are left to the mercy of the government and we all know the government has no mercy.
People need to talk to a lawyer sooner rather than later and get their affairs in order.
Especially if you are getting help from some government agency.
You can protect your assets from the government but there are time limits that you need to be aware of.
If you wait until you're at the end of life and you sign over your property the government can still step in and claim it.
In Washington state I think you need to transfer property at least 5 years before you die or there will be problems.
Very few people are truly prepared for old age and the challenges they will face.
My Aunt takes her neighbor to cancer treatments several times every week.
Her husband used to take her but he bought a new pair of shoes and got a blister from them.
The blister got infected and he has diabetes and wound up losing his leg from above the knee.
So now my Aunt has taken on the responsibility even though she is just a neighbor.
What will happen to the neighbor if my Aunt can't help?
My Mother always worried about what would happen to my handicapped brother when she died.
My wife and I told her would always take care of him.
When mom died my wife and I sold our house, I changed jobs and we moved to my folks place.
We gave up everything for him because it was the right thing to do even tho it was difficult for us especially my wife.
Her family now lives over 3 hours away and she doesn't get to see them as much.
Sorry for rambling on but this hits very close to home for me.

Backlash this is good heads up and warning to us all. Glad you and the wife kept your promise.
This is why I put up this thread is not knowing what to do if one or both of us gets down.
Also wonder if estate tax is still like it was or if Trumps change kicked in yet and what kind of change.
So far we are ok but sooner or later things change.

 

[zoomzoom]

Backlash - "In Washington state I think you need to transfer property at least 5 years before you die or there will be problems."

I'm not speaking for WA but I believe this is how I understand it as I think this is a federal issue:
This "5-year look back" isn't related to when you die. If you die, your will covers how the deceased wants their property distributed or to a hierarchy of relatives if you die without a will.

The look back is related to if you need assisted living of any level and/or hospice care. If the person that needs the care has assets, those assets are used first for the care of the patient. If the patient doesn't have assets, they apply for Medicaid then that will pay for services. Before Medicaid pays, they'll audit the person's books/account looking back 5 years. If they find the person has dumped all their funds via gift or other non-legitimate living expense, they can go after those funds before they'll allow Medicaid payments. So if the person gave $50,000 to one of their kids or whatever, that recipient may be on the hook to pay back that money before Medicaid will make any payments.

 

[angie_nrs]

Also wonder if estate tax is still like it was or if Trumps change kicked in yet and what kind of change.
So far we are ok but sooner or later things change.

For 2018 the threshold is $11,180,000 according to IRS:
https://www.irs.gov/businesses/smal...y-asked-questions-on-estate-taxes#amirequired

 

[Debra Beeuwsaert]

When we were younger, my sister and self promised we would not put either in a home or assisted living. When dad got sick, they gave him 2 weeks to live, but he ended up living 6 more additional weeks. My mother was fine on her own until about 2-1/2 to 3 years ago. She got IRS scammer calls (3 in one day) and called me at work. I live 5 hours away. I could tell she was panicky, so used my cell to call her neighbor to go check on her. From what I know, just as the neighbor got to her house, she saw my mom fall over backwards and hit her head. The hospital kept her for observation 2 days, and of course, I took off work to be there. Was told that she had syncope probably due to anxiety from the calls. Within a few months, her memory started to get bad - dementia. Since my sister is high-strung and quick to temper, I brought mom to my house to live. We go down to her place to meet so my sister can visit as well as the adult grandchildren.

Now if it's me, I've been divorced quite a while, so don't know what would happen in this case.

 

[Meerkat]

The most invisible crimes are against the old in this nation. A situation you never want to be in.




Also have to be sure you don't end up in an senior sexual revolution with a STD or 2.

https://nypost.com/2009/01/25/retire-to-the-bedroom/

 

[viking]

I'm 75+ and my wife is 71 and we plan on staying put, but then we have neighbors and our son that can take care of mowing, weed control and firewood gathering. As I have gotten older I realize there are things I need help getting done, especially since having this bout with conjestive heart failure which knocked the stuffing out of me. My DW and I have studied deeply on staying in health and striving to stay as youthful as possible and it's mostly worked well so far but we know death is inevitable , so we have prepped for that as best we can. If need be one of us could probably bring in some help and that's probably what we should be planning for now. We are by no means well to do but we happen to be able to use some cycles that happen in life to be better prepared for the future, being debt free was one of the first cycles that has helped us greatly. Designing our home so that it is as maintenance free as possible certainly helps but even then there are things that need to be prepared for to make it easier to get done, like having a new water heater set aside that matches the existing one, we have to order a new toilet because the one that has given us excellent service for 23 years is starting to give us problems and there is no repair kits for it, it was considered to be hazardous as the plastic pressure tank could blow up, since our gravity feed water system is 25 psi at the house, that's never been a problem, too bad that toilet has been the most trouble free unit I've ever seen, it's a Kohler Pressure Clean. Anyway, it's always been our feeling that one needs to be willing to spend a little extra for appliances and plumbing systems so that they will hopefully outlast us and not need to be fixed or replaced when we are not so capable of doing so. I'm considering building a ramp to make it easier to get in as well. Yeah, with all the projects my DW has had over the years, I've always told her that she need to keep me in the best health to be able to get it all done and so far she has.

 

[Terri9630]

Buzz Aldrin is having to sue 2 of his kids because they are stealing from him and want him declared incompetent and get custody of him.

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/bu...-alleging-misuse-of-his-finances-and-slander/

 

[Weedygarden]

Buzz Aldrin is having to sue 2 of his kids because they are stealing from him and want him declared incompetent and get custody of him.

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/bu...-alleging-misuse-of-his-finances-and-slander/

Sadly, this is not an uncommon situation. I'd bet we could all tell stories about people who have stolen from their parents, set up the estate so that they are the only child to inherit and more. Morality is in a downward spiral.

 

[TMT Tactical]

Between mom and dad, ten kids. I was the only adopted one. I was named executor of their estate, that should tell you about the family.

 

[angie_nrs]

TMT, are your parents still alive?

 

[TMT Tactical]

TMT, are your parents still alive?

No both passed. Mom first and we all new Dad would pack it in. He loved her too much go go on without her.

 

[GrannyG]

From my old blog....
Friday, January 17, 2014
Getting Too Old...

January 2014 . December 23 Well, it began with me unloading bags of feed....had about 350 pounds to unload.....had managed to get them off the truck and to the cans to be filled....trying to lift up the bags....had ripped open the string tags...and then I found I could not even lift up a bag.....what was going on....found myself having a hard time breathing....had no coughing.....no edema......no pains.....just could not figure out what was going on....drove myself back to the house and had to hold onto the rails to walk up the porch steps....this is really crazy, now.... I just ignored it for a few days, but Benny insisted I see his Dr. and he made an appointment.....EKG was not good, showed left brachial damage....so off to another appointment in Abilene with an echocardiogram and blood work done.....then another appointment with a cardiologist in Abilene.......trying to figure out what is going on.....another EKG was done....still showing bad signs...no pain, no swelling, no coughing...just short of breath.....everyone kept asking me, why won't they put me on oxygen or an inhaler....because it is not my lungs..it is my heart...just have to try to see what is going on...so now they ordered some meds....and they helped some...but now they have ordered a heart catherization to be done.....OH MY.....no way out of this mess....I was not nervous about it, just wanted it over and done with......the OR was sure cold.....how I remember that from when I worked OB, ER, and Surgery myself...but soon the job was done and I was in recovery....with a nice warm blanket.....and so it went for several hours during the day.......Dr. stated my arteries were clear.....had been brought on by high blood pressure, but my pressure was not registering high.......strange......anyway, the damage is done, will just have to slow down....and my Dr. told me I was like a cake....I am not the icing on the top.....I am at the very bottom, but with meds, he will try to get me toward the middle of the cake.....LOL...so I just go every day at a slow pace....trying to get my frosting intact... We think we are strong, and we work hard at our farming, gardening, taking care of our animals, but we find we all have to slow down.....so now I am in the idle mode of my tractor....LOL

 

[TBob]

My best friend of many years recently died of lung cancer. His wife has decided to stay in their home, at the end of a dead end road, out in the boonies. I go out a couple times a week, and fix what needs fixing, do weed whacking, general stuff. Sometimes cook a meal and package it up in several portions for her.
He always did everything, and she struggles with some of the stuff, so I'll be there for her. It reminds me of when I was young, family and friends helped out, not turned their backs as so many do now.

 

[The Lazy L]

My best friend of many years recently died of lung cancer. ...He always did everything...

I had an acquaintance that handled all of the house maintenance and chores that goes with home ownership. A few months after his retirement he was diagnosed with cancer and within 6 months was dead. He left recipe cards everywhere (like on the lawn mower handle) with hand written instructions on "How to". Within a year she had remarried. I would anticipate my wife doing the same thing. Wife is unable and unwilling to deal with life, "That's your job" she tells me.

We have talked about cemetery plots. She wants to be buried in the same cemetery as her dad. I prefer the one that has three generations of my family. So I suggest cremation as a comprise, no cemetery will be needed. I'm TOLD that is not an option. So I'll buy a plot beside her dad for her and two in my family cemetery for us. If I go first then my remains in my family cemetery and if she goes first in my family cemetery she goes and I then sale the one beside her dad.

 

[Meerkat]

I had an acquaintance that handled all of the house maintenance and chores that goes with home ownership. A few months after his retirement he was diagnosed with cancer and within 6 months was dead. He left recipe cards everywhere (like on the lawn mower handle) with hand written instructions on "How to". Within a year she had remarried. I would anticipate my wife doing the same thing. Wife is unable and unwilling to deal with life, "That's your job" she tells me.

We have talked about cemetery plots. She wants to be buried in the same cemetery as her dad. I prefer the one that has three generations of my family. So I suggest cremation as a comprise, no cemetery will be needed. I'm TOLD that is not an option. So I'll buy a plot beside her dad for her and two in my family cemetery for us. If I go first then my remains in my family cemetery and if she goes first in my family cemetery she goes and I then sale the one beside her dad.

LazyL , good plan you have there.

 

[backlash]

Backlash - "In Washington state I think you need to transfer property at least 5 years before you die or there will be problems."

I'm not speaking for WA but I believe this is how I understand it as I think this is a federal issue:
This "5-year look back" isn't related to when you die. If you die, your will covers how the deceased wants their property distributed or to a hierarchy of relatives if you die without a will.

The look back is related to if you need assisted living of any level and/or hospice care. If the person that needs the care has assets, those assets are used first for the care of the patient. If the patient doesn't have assets, they apply for Medicaid then that will pay for services. Before Medicaid pays, they'll audit the person's books/account looking back 5 years. If they find the person has dumped all their funds via gift or other non-legitimate living expense, they can go after those funds before they'll allow Medicaid payments. So if the person gave $50,000 to one of their kids or whatever, that recipient may be on the hook to pay back that money before Medicaid will make any payments.

I believe you are correct.
After my Mom passed I got a letter from Medicare wanting me to fill out a form listing all of her assets.
They also wanted me to give them information for my brothers including their SS numbers.
Needless to say I did not fill out the form except to list no assets for mom.
Never heard another thing from them.
Mom and I had gone to a lawyer about 10 years before she died that specialized in legal work for old people and he did a great job.
Transferred the property into a special needs trust for my brother and that cannot be touched by the state.
In legal matters it's always a good idea to consult a good lawyer.
Free advice on the internet, legal or medical, is worth exactly what you paid for it.

 

[zoomzoom]

I believe you are correct.
After my Mom passed I got a letter from Medicare wanting me to fill out a form listing all of her assets.
They also wanted me to give them information for my brothers including their SS numbers.
Needless to say I did not fill out the form except to list no assets for mom.
Never heard another thing from them.
Mom and I had gone to a lawyer about 10 years before she died that specialized in legal work for old people and he did a great job.
Transferred the property into a special needs trust for my brother and that cannot be touched by the state.
In legal matters it's always a good idea to consult a good lawyer.
Free advice on the internet, legal or medical, is worth exactly what you paid for it.

Not familiar with Medicare wanting you to fill out a form. If it came from Social Security, it may have been for survivor benefits.

My wife and I have been meeting with a very good and expensive "Elder Care" lawyer every couple weeks to get my wife's father and brother affairs in order. My FIL has dementia which is why we need to move him next door. My BIL was born with his umbilical cord around his neck which caused oxygen deprivation so he's mentally disabled. We'll be moving both of them next door and taking care of them for as long as we possibly can.

 

[backlash]

Not familiar with Medicare wanting you to fill out a form. If it came from Social Security, it may have been for survivor benefits.

It may have been Medicade not medicare.
It's been 11 hears and I have trouble remembering what I had for breakfast.

 

[Cnsper]

Not familiar with Medicare wanting you to fill out a form. If it came from Social Security, it may have been for survivor benefits.

It may have been Medicade not medicare.
It's been 11 hears and I have trouble remembering what I had for breakfast.

 

[Meerkat]

I just did some research on agency who I had mentioned earlier.
An agency that gives home care to elderly.
I should have known in this nation of lunatics it is a money scam. Full of abuse of the people they are suppose to be caring for. Kicking their pets around, stealing their medicines and personal items, not showing up for care, bringing with them their loud misbehaving kids, etc,etc,etc,.
So much fro outside help.

 

[Caribou]

My SIL was a home healthcare nurse. I believe she lost her license because of stealing patients drugs. Having said that, the good news is that they get rid of the bad apples when they find them. Any group has problem individuals. I believe she was a good nurse at one time but decided that self medicating was an answer. You might get a bad one but you might get a good one. I've bought bad avocados before but I still buy avocados.