Understanding Narcissism and Narcissists

[BadgerLandHunter]

I was thinking about this in the middle of the night. Remember the "Me Too," movement? Catholic priests, Harvey Weinstein, Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose and so many more? Many of the people who have been powerful, rich and famous, are narcs. Hollywood is full of such people. I know that some people are skeptical about women reporting sexual abuse, but it is real (most of the time) and such men who have achieved great power and status feel entitled to whatever they choose to do. Now what about those people who falsely report abuse? They should be horse whipped, imho.

Women are not free from this. I remember when I first started learning and researching about narcissism around 2005. I remember reading about how many actresses (and actors) in Hollywood are narcissistic. I would think this would mean famous performers in general. Joan Crawford's adopted children wrote a book that became a movie about her narcissistic rages and ways: "Mommy Dearest."

Yeah Hollywood is FULL of them.
Yeah some women are, others want the attention, other lie to try and get the attention and they should be jailed for this.

In general most people believe, comfort, and feel sorry for the women.

On a side not it doesn't happen as often but men get it to and people usually aren't so warm towards them.....if they have the courage to actually say it.

Did you hear about some of the rituals and satanic crap many participate in? Join the group or don't make it big type things. Hollywood is a cesspool for the most part. From actors to new movies.

 

[Weedygarden]

Not all narcissists are about how they look or how things look, but it can be a tell tale sign. Men and women who are the best dressed, have to have the best of things, and to be the center of attention are often narcs.

 

[Weedygarden]

Some narcs are also psychopaths. They do invent their own reality. And they never, never apologize. They will wait it out and not say sorry. Even if they know they've wronged you. And they will say awful lies behind your back to people that are close to you. That is the worst. I've had many phone calls from my cousin that was so upset about things my mom's said to other people about me that aren't true. The stories get really out of hand. As far as being irritated by a narc, my method is to walk away. Ignore.

Deleted

 

[Amish Heart]

Your sis is just like my mom. But OMG, to say you're a prostitute is nuts! My mom tells the story about how she tried to abort me. I've been hearing this story since I was a teenager, and believe me, it's never gone over well. She kind of changed it this Christmas, which surprised me. I was in the kitchen making dinner, we had picked her up to come over for the day and have a nice dinner. She was in a chair in the kitchen chatting away. Now the story is that it was my bio dad's fault, and he was trying to drag her to Mexico to have it done. And the family friends I've known all my life were going to adopt me, and no, I should of been aborted. She went on and on. I finally gave her a hug and told her that my husband thanks her, my children thank her, and my grand children thank her, that she didn't do it. You know, I was born before Roe vs Wade and don't know what she was planning to do anyway.
Mom recently told my sister (the only who handles mom's finances) that I wrote a check to myself for $5K from mom's acct. It was such a stupid lie it didn't even warrant a response. My sis handles mom's finances, and we all have access online to see what's been done with her account.

 

[Spikedriver]

I witnessed this all first hand with my ex's family. Her dad is a recovering alcoholic. I believe that much of his relapse problems are directly connected to his wife's narcissistic behavior. I didn't see the signs at first. But after time I did see the manipulation and the gaslighting. The first thing I saw was the vicious put downs of the ex FIL for his relapses and for anything else he did that didn't measure up. Then I saw how his words were twisted or changed to use against him. My ex did this to me as well. It is very effective at making the victim question him or herself. Once you lose confidence that you are right, you are easy pickings and can be beaten down and kept down. Then you get the anger when you stand up for yourself or correct the narcissist for twisting your words. This is particularly brutal because this is when all the stops get pulled out and the attacks drive directly at your own self image and the things that are most important to you.

Then after all that, your competency, both mental and physical, will be put down. And your supposed incompetence become self fulfilling. You are so screwed up in the head that you actually start making all the mistakes that you're being accused of. It was at this point that my mental state really became dangerous during my marriage.

Luckily my ex decided I was "too worthless" to stay with after this. It has taken a long time for me to repair some of the hurt. But to her credit, my ex has both admitted to and apologized for, much of what went on. Moving back in with her parents caused her to really see what was going on with her mother and father and she recognizes the problem at least to a certain extent. Her mother does not ever take responsibility for making anyone else unhappy and still in her late 60s enjoys creating a problem and then playing the victim when people get upset.

 

[Amish Heart]

Oh, well, Meer. You're entitled to your opinion!
Sometimes hashing things out with friends help, and that's my opinion.
You don't have to read this thread if you don't want to.
Sounds like you shouldn't.

 

[Swing]

I have just deleted 5 posts that are HATEFUL or quoted / answered the hateful. I am so angry to see this crap on this forum. If you cannot be nice, hush! And everyone that has posted family issues here, you do know that this forum can be read by those not logged in. This may need to be moved to a forum that you have to be logged into to read.

 

[Spikedriver]

@Angie I see that my posts were deleted. I didn't think they were hateful but I will take note of what I post in the future.

 

[Swing]

I will look at yours, but if it quoted hateful, it was deleted also.

ETA: It was because it quoted a comment that was the start of the deletion. Nothing you posted was hateful.

 

[Weedygarden]

I have just deleted 5 posts that are HATEFUL or quoted / answered the hateful. I am so angry to see this crap on this forum. If you cannot be nice, hush! And everyone that has posted family issues here, you do know that this forum can be read by those not logged in. This may need to be moved to a forum that you have to be logged into to read.

I will see if I can edit my posts.

 

[viking]

I never thought about narcissist hurting anyone other than themselves

Ben

Our dear friends daughter is married to a really bad narcissist, he lost a great deal of weight and preceded to tell his wife that she didn't appreciate his "new body", they are separated, maybe???, thing is he's been on line looking to have as many women for sex as possible, he put a video on Tic-Toc dancing in a speedo with black light make up, he really is a sick puppy, narcissist and narcissism are root words of the Greek god Narcissus, who while on a hunt took a drink out of a pond and fell in love with his image, himself. My wife and I felt it was a mistake for our friends daughter to marry this guy, we prayed things would work out. This guy now has his hair in a Mohawk and calls himself a Shaman, carries a staff with carvings on it and has advertised he can heal women's sexual abuse, guess how? By having sex with them. We've seen the video from Tic-Toc showing him, dancing? Mind bleach is needed after viewing that video, I'm thinking that this guy is beyond help, I think he has surrendered to the "Dark side", someone to avoid like the plague.

 

[Amish Heart]

That poor lady that married him! That's just nuts! I hope they are separated.

 

[Weedygarden]

I belong to a few groups on Facebook that deal with narcissism. One group is about narcissistic mothers and has more than 70,000 members. Some of the stories are incredible.

 

[viking]

I was thinking about this in the middle of the night. Remember the "Me Too," movement? Catholic priests, Harvey Weinstein, Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose and so many more? Many of the people who have been powerful, rich and famous, are narcs. Hollywood is full of such people. I know that some people are skeptical about women reporting sexual abuse, but it is real (most of the time) and such men who have achieved great power and status feel entitled to whatever they choose to do. Now what about those people who falsely report abuse? They should be horse whipped, imho.

Women are not free from this. I remember when I first started learning and researching about narcissism around 2005. I remember reading about how many actresses (and actors) in Hollywood are narcissistic. I would think this would mean famous performers in general. Joan Crawford's adopted children wrote a book that became a movie about her narcissistic rages and ways: "Mommy Dearest."

That poor lady that married him! That's just nuts! I hope they are separated.

Not yet, heard she went back to him for treatment? We believe he has twisted her thinking pretty bad, she is basically homeless. I might add that he kicked out her 17 year old daughter, who is beautiful, looks very much like her mom did when she was in her teens, he told his wife that the reason he kicked her out was that he was sexually attracted to her, I'm certainly glad that his two daughters have gone to live with their grandmother. As I mentioned before, this guy is a sick puppy, we pray that he will see the error of his ways and be saved, it's frightening to have people like this around.

 

[Neb]

That poor lady that married him! That's just nuts! I hope they are separated.

Ditto that!

In a deleted post @Spikedriver wrote something to the effect..

"Counseling can help victims of narcs".

Ditto that as well!

(Cool it you are at two exclamation marks and approaching critical mass)


For my part I can verify that counseling helped me get over the brainwashing that I was an arsehole.

Worked for me. It may help for others.

Ben

 

[Neb]

Not yet, heard she went back to him for treatment? We believe he has twisted her thinking pretty bad, she is basically homeless. I might add that he kicked her 17 year old daughter, who is beautiful, looks very much like her mom did when she was in her teens, he told his wife that the reason he kicked her out was that he was sexually attracted to her, I'm certainly glad that his two daughters have gone to live with their grandmother. As I mentioned before, this guy is a sick puppy, we pray that he will see the error of his ways and be saved, it's frightening to have people like this around.

I can only pray for her.

I hope she finds an open door through which she can escape.

Ben

 

[Weedygarden]

Not yet, heard she went back to him for treatment? We believe he has twisted her thinking pretty bad, she is basically homeless. I might add that he kicked her 17 year old daughter, who is beautiful, looks very much like her mom did when she was in her teens, he told his wife that the reason he kicked her out was that he was sexually attracted to her, I'm certainly glad that his two daughters have gone to live with their grandmother. As I mentioned before, this guy is a sick puppy, we pray that he will see the error of his ways and be saved, it's frightening to have people like this around.

He sounds like a narcissist. If he truly is, there is no real cure.
@Neb, It took me decades to figure out what my family deal was, but I was in therapy for 10 years, trying to get over it. I think that now, after all of these years and knowing what I know now, it wouldn't be a bad idea for me to get back into therapy.

 

[viking]

Sorry I ment to say, he kicked out the 17 year old daughter. I corrected my post but the quotes stayed the same.

 

[Neb]

He sounds like a narcissist. If he truly is, there is no real cure.
@Neb, It took me decades to figure out what my family deal was, but I was in therapy for 10 years, trying to get over it. I think that now, after all of these years and knowing what I know now, it wouldn't be a bad idea for me to get back into therapy.

Therapy is good when it is useful.

Ben

 

[200years2late]

Yikes! But this is all very interesting to hear what other people experience with narcs. I think I'll just continue with my loner lifestyle and experience some other facets of life vicariously through you folks. A few months ago I had a woman, who I've been aquainted with for many years, pry her way into my life. She says that I could probably get payed to go to a therapist! Only problem is that I let everything go a long time ago and I'm the happiest person that I've ever come across! I think.

 

[Aerindel]

This is an interesting thread.

I personally do not belive there is any such thing as mental illness, merely adaptations for survival that are not currently relevant. Narcism for instance, seems to be an extremely useful trait and seems to gain a lot of wealth, power and prestige. They seem to rule the world. I think that it could be argued that if your not one, you should try figure out how to act like one in order to survive.

But none the less, this is an interesting read.

 

[Weedygarden]

Yikes! But this is all very interesting to hear what other people experience with narcs. I think I'll just continue with my loner lifestyle and experience some other facets of life vicariously through you folks. A few months ago I had a woman, who I've been acquainted with for many years, pry her way into my life. She says that I could probably get payed to go to a therapist! Only problem is that I let everything go a long time ago and I'm the happiest person that I've ever come across! I think.

Thank you! I sure got a good laugh from your post! And you missed some of the stuff that was deleted! Some of that was crazy as well!

 

[Amish Heart]

You're probably ok if you're good with what you're doing.
My husband is my therapist, the poor man.

 

[Weedygarden]

You're probably ok if you're good with what you're doing.
My husband is my therapist, the poor man.

He is a great person, imho.

 

[200years2late]

Darn

Thank you! I sure got a good laugh from your post! And you missed some of the stuff that was deleted! Some of that was crazy as well!

 

[Amish Heart]

Ah, thanks. I'll tell him. He got brownie points tonight for driving the kids to the high school for band and then picked them up again. He knows driving in the dark on snowy roads is not my favorite thing.

 

[MoBookworm1957]

I was thinking about this in the middle of the night. Remember the "Me Too," movement? Catholic priests, Harvey Weinstein, Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose and so many more? Many of the people who have been powerful, rich and famous, are narcs. Hollywood is full of such people. I know that some people are skeptical about women reporting sexual abuse, but it is real (most of the time) and such men who have achieved great power and status feel entitled to whatever they choose to do. Now what about those people who falsely report abuse? They should be horse whipped, imho.

Women are not free from this. I remember when I first started learning and researching about narcissism around 2005. I remember reading about how many actresses (and actors) in Hollywood are narcissistic. I would think this would mean famous performers in general. Joan Crawford's adopted children wrote a book that became a movie about her narcissistic rages and ways: "Mommy Dearest."

I read that book in High School.
Hmm .... It was required reading graduate.

 

[Grimm]

Flying Monkeys

I have had a few flying monkeys approach me in my life. Sad that people allow themselves to be manipulated by a narc and feel the need to go after the true victim of narcissistic abuse to enable the narcissist. Many, many years ago, I made a decision not to get in the middle of arguments or conflicts. I decided I would not choose sides or run back and forth between people. If I had strong feelings one way or another, it was rare and based in my own observation and experience with the involved parties, not the backstabbing gossip of one of the parties. This exists! It is real!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_monkeys_(popular_psychology)
Flying monkeys[1] is a term used in popular psychology, mainly in the context of narcissistic abuse,[2] to describe people who act on behalf of a narcissist towards a third party, usually for an abusive purpose (e.g. a smear campaign).[3][4] The phrase has also been used to refer to people who act on behalf of a psychopath, for a similar purpose.[5][6] The term is not formally used in medical practice or teaching. The term is from the winged monkeys used by the Wicked Witch of the West in the book The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (and the subsequent films based on it) to carry out evil deeds on her behalf.[6][7] Abuse by proxy (or proxy abuse) is a closely related or synonymous concept.[3][8]

WOW! After reading the posts you have made I see that K's siblings are flying monkeys and his 'stepmother' is a narc. Interesting thing is K told me his dad was a narc when the kids were growing up. I can see Carolyn as a narc in how she tried to make it look like K's dad was the person in charge of the family but in reality it was her. After the dad died back in 2013 Carolyn's narc behavior really came out because she didn't have her shield to blame everything on. She was able to turn all of K's siblings against him to the point they tried to make him choose between them and myself and our daughter. They really thought he would leave me and take our daughter with him just to make them happy.

I kept every email and handwritten letter they sent K. I still have every single one in case they start asking for money from K. When that was happening my dad made it very clear to K that they (my folks) would get me the best lawyer money could pay to make sure he was cleaned out and had no custody of our daughter if he even tried to take her from me. In the early years of our marriage I had been second to K's family/siblings. I think this was because his dad had 3 wives and all the kids (except his brothers) were adopted like himself and had been through the foster care system. They took care of foster kids and had a revolving door of kids come through the home when he was growing up.

EDIT*** My FIL did not have 3 wives at the same time. He was married to K's oldest brother's mom then divorced her to marry K's youngest brother's mom and was cheating on her with wife 3 only to marry #3 (Carolyn) less than a year after #2 died of cancer.

 

[Neb]

WOW! After reading the posts you have made I see that K's siblings are flying monkeys and his 'stepmother' is a narc. Interesting thing is K told me his dad was a narc when the kids were growing up. I can see Carolyn as a narc in how she tried to make it look like K's dad was the person in charge of the family but in reality it was her. After the dad died back in 2013 Carolyn's narc behavior really came out because she didn't have her shield to blame everything on. She was able to turn all of K's siblings against him to the point they tried to make him choose between them and myself and our daughter. They really thought he would leave me and take our daughter with him just to make them happy.

I kept every email and handwritten letter they sent K. I still have every single one in case they start asking for money from K. When that was happening my dad made it very clear to K that they (my folks) would get me the best lawyer money could pay to make sure he was cleaned out and had no custody of our daughter if he even tried to take her from me. In the early years of our marriage I had been second to K's family/siblings. I think this was because his dad had 3 wives and all the kids (except his brothers) were adopted like himself and had been through the foster care system. They took care of foster kids and had a revolving door of kids come through the home when he was growing up.

EDIT*** My FIL did not have 3 wives at the same time. He was married to K's oldest brother's mom then divorced her to marry K's youngest brother's mom and was cheating on her with wife 3 only to marry #3 (Carolyn) less than a year after #2 died of cancer.

Re: your edit

I'm confused but will trust you.



Ben

 

[Weedygarden]

WOW! After reading the posts you have made I see that K's siblings are flying monkeys and his 'stepmother' is a narc. Interesting thing is K told me his dad was a narc when the kids were growing up. I can see Carolyn as a narc in how she tried to make it look like K's dad was the person in charge of the family but in reality it was her. After the dad died back in 2013 Carolyn's narc behavior really came out because she didn't have her shield to blame everything on. She was able to turn all of K's siblings against him to the point they tried to make him choose between them and myself and our daughter. They really thought he would leave me and take our daughter with him just to make them happy.

I kept every email and handwritten letter they sent K. I still have every single one in case they start asking for money from K. When that was happening my dad made it very clear to K that they (my folks) would get me the best lawyer money could pay to make sure he was cleaned out and had no custody of our daughter if he even tried to take her from me. In the early years of our marriage I had been second to K's family/siblings. I think this was because his dad had 3 wives and all the kids (except his brothers) were adopted like himself and had been through the foster care system. They took care of foster kids and had a revolving door of kids come through the home when he was growing up.

EDIT*** My FIL did not have 3 wives at the same time. He was married to K's oldest brother's mom then divorced her to marry K's youngest brother's mom and was cheating on her with wife 3 only to marry #3 (Carolyn) less than a year after #2 died of cancer.

Grimm, I remember in my early days at PS, that you seemed to be on the edge of separating from him. We never know what all goes on in people's lives. Sometimes the challenges are insurmountable.