A long but good article about "How Narcissistic Parents Scapegoat their Children." Not copying and pasting it all.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ySf0AS7bJc5Cb9xtaeDnVXjsAKSgUQ6K1_L9nLxVd4j1E
We think about familial bonds between and among parents and their children as being forged by caring, love, support, and shared experiences: frolicking in the snow or going to the beach, roasting marshmallows, holidays and celebrations, etc. And, yes, there are families whose old photo albums and newer Instagram accounts look just like that — potential subjects for a contemporary Norman Rockwell and the stuff that television commercials are made of. In dysfunctional families, though, bonds are formed differently and a lot less prettily. This is especially true when a
narcissistic, combative, or controlling mother is at the helm of the family ship. That brings us to the scapegoated child.
Scapegoating: the glue that holds a family together
In ancient tribal societies, a goat — yes, that’s where the term comes from — was chosen to represent the group’s collective sins to appease an angry deity. By casting the animal out, the tribe symbolically guaranteed itself a clean slate going forward. Scapegoating appears in most, if not all, groups — from entire nations to towns to organizations to families — in times of turmoil. Naming a scapegoat and blaming him/her/them for the crisis at hand facilitates not just a sense of unity (us versus them), but also in authoritarian societies provides a go-to explanation for societal problems.
This process happens in families as well, and it can be driven by both conscious and
unconscious motives. Becoming the scapegoat can be a temporary role (and family members may rotate in and out of it) or a permanent one. Let’s look at the temporary role first and its effects on family interactions.
