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Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
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Help Support Homesteading & Country Living Forum:
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Well trained Heifer!
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Dirty joke:
A young cowboy had been in the saddle for over a month and was looking at another two weeks and needed the attention of a lady in the worst way! He nudged his partner and said:
"Hey Earl, I need a woman in the worst way, What do y'all do on long rides?"
the old cowboy just gestured out over the herd and winked as he kept riding. Well, the kid got the idea, so that night he found himself a cow that didn't stink too bad and did the deed. When he got back to camp, the rest of the cowboys were all laughing at him, the young cowboy got angry and said:
"Earl says you guys do this all the time, what the hell?" Earl shook his head and replied:
"You misunderstood me, kid, I wasn't pointing at no damn cows, I was pointing at the whore house over that hill in the Indian village! Not only did you screw the ugliest heifer out there, she's the only one with the clap!
The moral of this mess if it exists is:
Be sure you understand the directions!
A young cowboy had been in the saddle for over a month and was looking at another two weeks and needed the attention of a lady in the worst way! He nudged his partner and said:
"Hey Earl, I need a woman in the worst way, What do y'all do on long rides?"
the old cowboy just gestured out over the herd and winked as he kept riding. Well, the kid got the idea, so that night he found himself a cow that didn't stink too bad and did the deed. When he got back to camp, the rest of the cowboys were all laughing at him, the young cowboy got angry and said:
"Earl says you guys do this all the time, what the hell?" Earl shook his head and replied:
"You misunderstood me, kid, I wasn't pointing at no damn cows, I was pointing at the whore house over that hill in the Indian village! Not only did you screw the ugliest heifer out there, she's the only one with the clap!
The moral of this mess if it exists is:
Be sure you understand the directions!
Schrödinger's Plates: They are both broken and not broken until you open the door.
A Russian (?) dude reviews clips of Snowjob Joe Blow.
Naughty words bleeped.
Naughty words bleeped.
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Or a "Marital" aid?
This is how you spell "nope" in cat.
This is why you don't hire a young, inexperienced marketing person directly out of school (alternately, at least hire a proof-reader to check their work).
"Worth" is not a synonym for "Price". I guess Olight must not have very much confidence in their products to advertise them this way:
"Worth" is not a synonym for "Price". I guess Olight must not have very much confidence in their products to advertise them this way:
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Ummm. how does that even work?
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If you leave a large enough negative tip, the restaurant will pay you to eat there.
Actually it will be the waiter that will be paying for you to eat there. I'm sure you can make enough at this to make a good living. Let me know when you start your new career, I'll bring my camera.
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I don't tip based on the amount of the bill much anymore (I used to - 20% for good service, 15% for substandard service, 25% for super exceptional service). Now I usually tip based on the service rendered. Which IMHO, is how it should have always been.
Last week I went to a favorite local hangout. They serve a most excellent patty melt and fries. The thing is huge - must be at least half a pound of beef on there, and it's very tasty good quality beef (not like a McDonald's meat-product fliver). That melt and fried costs $8.60. I leave a four or five dollar tip there, because the staff is excellent, they check on you often, they are fun, and they anticipate what you might want/need so you never have to ask for anything. It's just there when you need it.
Compare that to the hotsy totsy high end burger place that charges $25 for the same meal (although not usually as good). The waiter/waitress never checks on you. Your water glass is always empty. And you have to beg them to bring you the check. So they get the same four dollar tip as the other much better restaurant that charges 1/3 as much. The hotsy totsy waiter/waitress didn't even deserve that, but I don't go below 15% because I know these waiters/waitresses are dependent on tips as the major source of their income. But, I still think of a tip as appreciation for good service rendered, not as basic wage or a welfare handout. When I drop to 15%, that means "you did a lousy job". I don't tell them that, what point would that serve? I just pay it and leave. I also look around the restaurant to try and determine if the lousy service is the servers fault, or just due to being overworked. Lousy service when overworked gets a very good tip. And a verbal "thank you" and encouragement on how well they're doing in a tough environment. I really do try to tip for service rendered with an eye for if things were the servers fault or just due to environment.
The person at the counter of the fast food joint taking your order who turns around the payment screen that is asking for a tip gets $0. That's not tippable service IMHO. That's the most basic concept of their job. That would be like tipping someone for simply showing up at work.
Last week I went to a favorite local hangout. They serve a most excellent patty melt and fries. The thing is huge - must be at least half a pound of beef on there, and it's very tasty good quality beef (not like a McDonald's meat-product fliver). That melt and fried costs $8.60. I leave a four or five dollar tip there, because the staff is excellent, they check on you often, they are fun, and they anticipate what you might want/need so you never have to ask for anything. It's just there when you need it.
Compare that to the hotsy totsy high end burger place that charges $25 for the same meal (although not usually as good). The waiter/waitress never checks on you. Your water glass is always empty. And you have to beg them to bring you the check. So they get the same four dollar tip as the other much better restaurant that charges 1/3 as much. The hotsy totsy waiter/waitress didn't even deserve that, but I don't go below 15% because I know these waiters/waitresses are dependent on tips as the major source of their income. But, I still think of a tip as appreciation for good service rendered, not as basic wage or a welfare handout. When I drop to 15%, that means "you did a lousy job". I don't tell them that, what point would that serve? I just pay it and leave. I also look around the restaurant to try and determine if the lousy service is the servers fault, or just due to being overworked. Lousy service when overworked gets a very good tip. And a verbal "thank you" and encouragement on how well they're doing in a tough environment. I really do try to tip for service rendered with an eye for if things were the servers fault or just due to environment.
The person at the counter of the fast food joint taking your order who turns around the payment screen that is asking for a tip gets $0. That's not tippable service IMHO. That's the most basic concept of their job. That would be like tipping someone for simply showing up at work.
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Been there, the whole idea is "BE THANKFUL." 
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