Jokes and Humor

[VThillman]

Thinking back to college:

Heisenberg, Schrödinger, and Ohm are in a car driving fast on the autobahn. They get pulled over by the police. Heisenberg was driving and the cop asks him:

- "Do you know how fast you were going?"
- "No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.

The cop says:

- "You were doing 100 km/h in a 70 km/h zone."

Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts:

- "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says:

- "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
- "We do now, you jerk!" shouts Schrödinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

Sir, that is not nice.

 

[VThillman]

You probably have to be a nerd who's into mathematics and control systems to get this one:

"Did you hear about the great Polish air tragedy in New York?"

"They were flying in, and someone said, Look! There's the statue of liberty on the right!"

Then all the poles shifted to the right half plane, it became unstable, and crashed.

Sir, that ain't nice either.

 

[Haertig]

Meanwhile, at the monastery...

- Master, what is the secret to get along with everyone?
- Listen grasshopper, the secret is never to argue with an idiot
- I don't think it's just that...
- You're right grasshopper

 

[Haertig]

A high school student stared thoughtfully at the second question on his exam, which read, “State the number of tons of coal shipped out of America in any given year.”

Suddenly, his brow cleared, and he wrote, “1492: None.”

 

[Neb]

A high school student stared thoughtfully at the second question on his exam, which read, “State the number of tons of coal shipped out of America in any given year.”

Suddenly, his brow cleared, and he wrote, “1492: None.”

I would reply but I am still on probation for telling computer jokes.

Ben

 

[Peanut]

Something we can all get behind, probably because it's the only safe place!

 

[Peanut]

 

[phideaux]

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[VThillman]

View attachment 63256

 

[VThillman]

View attachment 63256

I like that she has to stand. If she could sit, she'd probably pass out.

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[dademoss]

 

[Haertig]

While we're on mathematics (it helps if you know how a slide rule works):

In the beginning, at the time of the great flood, Noah went thru his ark after it landed, and found two small snakes huddled in a corner. Noah looked at these poor specimens - and said "I told you to go forth and multiply - why haven't you?"

The poor snakes looked up at Noah and replied "We can't because we are adders....."

Noah looked a bit perplexed, and then proceeded to tear bits of planking from his ark. He went on to build a beautiful wooden platform. He gathered up the snakes and placed them on the platform, and joyfully told the snakes - "Now go forth and multiply, because even adders can multiply using a log table"

 

[VThillman]

While we're on mathematics (it helps if you know how a slide rule works):

In the beginning, at the time of the great flood, Noah went thru his ark after it landed, and found two small snakes huddled in a corner. Noah looked at these poor specimens - and said "I told you to go forth and multiply - why haven't you?"

The poor snakes looked up at Noah and replied "We can't because we are adders....."

Noah looked a bit perplexed, and then proceeded to tear bits of planking from his ark. He went on to build a beautiful wooden platform. He gathered up the snakes and placed them on the platform, and joyfully told the snakes - "Now go forth and multiply, because even adders can multiply using a log table"

Hmph! Another of them snobbish engineer-type jokes. I suppose you'll be going on about logger rhythms next.

 

[Neb]

Hmph! Another of them snobbish engineer-type jokes. I suppose you'll be going on about logger rhythms next.

Since we on a math theme...

Math and alcohol don't mix.
Don't drink and derive.

Ben

 

[Supervisor42]

Since we on a math theme...

Math and alcohol don't mix.
Don't drink and derive.

Ben

Who says we math people don't have fun.
We don't need the number '8'.
I'll show you.
Got a calculator?
Take any number between 1 and 9.
Multiply it by 9.
Take the result and multiply it by 12345679 (notice, no 8) and see what pops up.
Is that your number?

 

[angie_nrs]

Sorry Supervisor.....I can't do your math trick right now. It's almost 5 o'clock on a Friday. I have a cocktail in my hand, not a calculator! drink buddy
Besides, as Ben said.....don't drink and derive. He's right. That gets messy real quick.

 

[Neb]

Who says we math people don't have fun.
We don't need the number '8'.
I'll show you.
Got a calculator?
Take any number between 1 and 9.
Multiply it by 9.
Take the result and multiply it by 12345679 (notice, no 8) and see what pops up.
Is that your number?

Ha!

Multiplication is commutative!




Ben

 

[Neb]

Sorry Supervisor.....I can't do your math trick right now. It's almost 5 o'clock on a Friday. I have a cocktail in my hand, not a calculator! drink buddy
Besides, as Ben said.....don't drink and derive. He's right. That gets messy real quick.

Risking a computer joke...

You know you have been programming too when you knock over a glass of wine and instinctively reach for "ctrl-z".

Ben

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[bkt]

Risking a computer joke...

You know you have been programming too when you knock over a glass of wine and instinctively reach for "ctrl-z".

Ben

Oh sh*t. I do that.

 

[joel]

 

[dademoss]