Jokes and Humor

[Woody]

 

[Woody]

 

[Supervisor42]

Not really humor, nor a joke. But did make me smile and I hope it does you also. It took me many, many years before I realized what this man talks about... Too many. I did not know how good I had it, when i had it good and I went and chased what I thougth would be 'better'.

View attachment 117263
https://media.gab.com/system/media_attachments/files/149/528/764/playable/ed3b3c5a742f3664.mp4

I LOVED watching the tail smack him in the face!
That brought back memories of my 'old days'.

 

[Caribou]

I LOVED watching the tail smack him in the face!
That brought back memories of my 'old days'.

He didn't even flinch, I wonder if that has happened to him before. Are those glasses OSHA approved PPE?

 

[angie_nrs]

View attachment 117208

Anyone ever tell you your coffee tastes like s#!t?

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[Magus]

One to troll with:

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[Magus]

Yes, but they started crapping in the urinal.

 

[Cascadian]

I was working out back and saw something in the backyard I immediately recognized as moldy dog poop. Well I was getting ready to pour some concrete, I made a mental note and moved on. A little while later I looked over at my wife making gagging dry heaving noises. She said I thought that was a rock. It was all fuzzy and squishy. I know it isn't nice but I could not stop laughing.

 

[dademoss]

 

[bkt]

View attachment 117321

And this is why we need a face-palm emoji.

 

[Supervisor42]

And this is why we need a face-palm emoji.

I think @Pearl's eyeroll emoji would be much more useful than our new 'too small to see' emoji.

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[backlash]

View attachment 117330

I do that all the time just before I toss all the coins in jars. One jar for pennies and one for all the rest.
I can't carry coins because I drive everyone crazy jingling the coins in my pocket.
I also arrange all the bills in my wallet by denomination in order, 100s,50s,20s,10s,5s, and 1s making sure they are all facing the same way and not all folded up.
My kids think I am OCD. They may be right.

 

[LadyLocust]

I do that all the time just before I toss all the coins in jars. One jar for pennies and one for all the rest.
I can't carry coins because I drive everyone crazy jingling the coins in my pocket.
I also arrange all the bills in my wallet by denomination in order, 100s,50s,20s,10s,5s, and 1s making sure they are all facing the same way and not all folded up.
My kids think I am OCD. They may be right.

I face and order my money. I worked in a bank years ago and we had to.

 

[Bacpacker]

I do that all the time just before I toss all the coins in jars. One jar for pennies and one for all the rest.
I can't carry coins because I drive everyone crazy jingling the coins in my pocket.
I also arrange all the bills in my wallet by denomination in order, 100s,50s,20s,10s,5s, and 1s making sure they are all facing the same way and not all folded up.
My kids think I am OCD. They may be right.

I do the same thing

 

[jazzy]

when the worlds falling apart---ya gotta meme

 

[jazzy]

i REALLY want to do this. i gotta buy me one of those yard chaise lunge chair things. maybe walmart has a sale.....

 

[jazzy]

 

[Caribou]

I do that all the time just before I toss all the coins in jars. One jar for pennies and one for all the rest.
I can't carry coins because I drive everyone crazy jingling the coins in my pocket.
I also arrange all the bills in my wallet by denomination in order, 100s,50s,20s,10s,5s, and 1s making sure they are all facing the same way and not all folded up.
My kids think I am OCD. They may be right.

I separate all my nickels from the rest of the coins. It is the last real money that America makes so I keep every one I can get my hands on. I try to keep my bills in order but when I get change back I stuff it in my wallet and move along so as to not hold up those behind me.

My wife has CDO. That's OCD in alphabetical order.

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[Curmudgeon]

 

[SLC]

Not a joke, but one of my life experiences.

So.... Larry comes out with 4 5 gallon cans of diesel fuel and starts pouring it all over a pile of brush. I suggested that it was a little too much, but he assured me this was the way to do it. I asked how he was going to safely light it. He said with a roman candle (if you don't know, that is the fireworks tube about 2 foot long that you stick in the ground and it shoots out a ball every few seconds and the balls explode in the air.) I suggested maybe that was not the best idea. He said his wife (our friend) said the same, so I shouldn't say anything. Now Larry has us stand back, brings his 10 year old son to stand beside him, lights the WRONG end of the roman candle and hands it to his son. (What could go wrong?)

1. BANG: first ball shoots backwards, hits the ground by his son, bounces about 10 feet away and BOOM, explodes.
2. Dad grabs the roman candle, BANG, number two shoots out at Larry's feet, bounces onto the deck of the house and BOOM, explodes.
3. Larry whips the roman candle around and BANG, number three shoots up into a tree full of dead leaves in the neighboring woods and BOOM, explodes. Amazing that the tree didn’t catch fire.
4. Larry finally points the roman candle at the brush and BANG, number 4 sails over the pile, and BOOM, explodes. Sparks ignite the brush pile.

I am laughing my butt off. I mean tears fall, can't catch my breath laughing. I shouldn't have because number 1 could have badly hurt Larry's son, number 2 could have hurt Larry and started the house on fire, number three should have started a nasty forest fire, and number four wasn't an explosion only because it was so cold out that the diesel fuel didn't vaporize and soaked into the ground as a liquid. They say God protects the children and fools.

I would pay big bucks for a video of the whole shebang.

 

[Tim Horton]

Attachment showing coins arranged by size in the hand....
It appears there are $1 and $2 coins in the picture..
))) (((
I do this also at times with a bit of time to kill...
I hate having to use the penny.. They are such a pain in the neck to use.. I do miss one and two dollar coins.. Heavy, but more convenient to use than paper dollars and pennies..