I have tried cleaning the entire room. Hell, I've cleaned the entire kitchen multiple times in the hopes that my brother would keep up his end and keep the kitchen clean. Nope.
Same with my mother. I've cleaned that entire living room and she didn't care if it got messy again because she's not the one who cleans it.
I'm also the one who has to call the insurance or arrange repairs on the AC or other things. I take the vehicles in to get maintenance. I still remember before my brother had a working vehicle he was using Mom's CR-V. It needed an oil change and I reminded him to go get it. He then whined and asked why he should have to do it. Uh, he was the one driving it so he should get it maintained. When he got a truck, I had to remind him to get maintenance on it. He ignored me about maintenance on his first vehicle (the one I told him not to buy because it had too many problems- I sent him a photo of a lemon while he was talking to the guy trying to sell it to him). He had promised me if I told him I had a bad feeling he wouldn't buy it, but then he acted like I was just a moron who didn't know anything about vehicles when I told him it was no bueno. I don't think that truck even ran for an entire week the whole time he had it. Guy he'd bought it from had bought it from a scumbag local car dealer who sold it knowing it was bad. It was a 1500 with the rear of an S10 put on- so it wouldn't stay together and driveshaft kept dropping off. It had an oil leak so the motor blew.
I admit that I have enabled my brother too much. I wanted things to get done so I would help him with things to the point he just expects me to do it all the time-- although he gets mad sometimes if I remind him of things he doesn't care about. Like, he got some bogus charge for trespassing years ago (long story on that). He refused to try to get an attorney or call any witnesses-- just believed it would all work out & they would believe him or be reasonable. I took him for his court date but the courthouse was closed due to Covid. They never sent him any letters about rescheduling. He hasn't bothered to call to check on the status & just assumes they dropped it. I'm worried they will put out a warrant but he doesn't care. He doesn't think anything bad will happen to him. But he expects that my mother will bail him out & pay any fines/fees.
He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was little back when they were over-diagnosing and he was not wanting to do homework. He could focus on video games or something that actually interested him for hours, but he was bored with school and didn't believe he should have to do homework- felt he should never have to work while at home. He didn't care about his grades either. So, it was never inability to focus, just disinterest. They put him on meds that made him feel sick and he would pretend to take them and then dump them somewhere.
Lately he's been going on about his plan to take out a large enough payday loan to buy a house in Japan & a one way ticket to go live there and work over there and then never pay it back. He thinks if he leaves the country they can't go after him. He doesn't care that I would be getting harassing calls from the collection agencies for years if he did that. He thinks I could just threaten to sue them or that I could sue them and get a lot of money. It doesn't work that way. But he doesn't live in reality sometimes. He has this fantasy of what he thinks the world works like and how he can do whatever he wants with no consequences and does not care about consequences to others. He always gets mad when I point out real world consequences and accuses me of trying to oppress him. When I complained about needing him to help with the cleaning he accused me of trying to guilt-trip him. I asked him when guilt tripping has ever worked on him. Has he ever given a damn about me hurting myself to clean up his messes? Nope.
There was this terrible teacher we both had in high school. Complete and total b**** to any students she decided she didn't like. She only liked the super rich kids and treated everyone else like garbage-- but one thing she was right on was that my brother seems to think if he ignores a problem it will just go away. Like he thought if he ignored his homework it would just go away & he'd have no obligation.
Now he acts like video games are his job and he puts the games before everything else. He schedules everything around his gaming-- his guild has raids at certain days/times. He is also learning Japanese and actually did homework for that class. But it's because he's actually motivated. I wish I could find more ways to motivate him to actually help out around the house.
My mom is disabled. She has inner ear damage so she balance issues and falls, but she milks it. She isn't as bad off as she pretends. She claims she can't carry stuff while walking with her cane, but I've seen her do it. If she stays up late, she will sometimes wake me up to come open a door to let the dog out of the room she's in when she can easily do it herself. She can't carry heavy things and she does tip over if she bends down to pick stuff up while standing. She also can't stand for very long.
I gripe but I love my mother and my brother-- as annoying as he can be. He does help me carry groceries in. Tailgate on the truck no longer opens sideways to access the trunk and I have a hard time reaching in to the cooler now so he has helped with that because he's taller and can reach over it more easily than I can. But he carries stuff in and dumps it on the floor or counter and leaves me to put everything away. If he cooks and leaves leftovers, he expects me to put them away and clean the containers.
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winds-of-change I do wash clothes in cold water in the sink. My problem is that I can no longer get to the washing machine and dryer because my brother has junk piled up in the hallway. He had the nerve to tell my mother that it was my stuff in the hallway. It's all his stuff that got pushed out of his room. I would push it out the back door but the door is stuck shut because his stuff is piled against it, and I can't lift it.
My health has been declining and I've been having a harder time doing things. I can't bend well because of my back and now my shoulder is crapping out on me. I'm probably going to have to bring in a friend to help. I tried to get my brother to help me and he held a bag briefly but he whined about there being too much dust and things smelling bad. Well, if he hadn't piled stuff up like that, it wouldn't be like that.
I recognize that life could be much worse though. I still have a roof over my head and food to eat. I just need to work on motivating myself and getting enough naproxyn in my system to be able to move enough to pick stuff up.