MARINE
Sounds like things went very well. I'm glad
Sounds like things went very well. I'm glad
The Ladies
- Thread starter d_marsh
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Nuptials are in your future, she knows that if dad approves then all is good. Still wanting to be a Groomsmen at the the wedding. Probably a little too red neck for the lady but I clean up good.
You winner you !! on many levels too !!
Yeah, I don't know. It was weird. The whole thing felt uncomfortable. I think the lady is still in shock and was really quiet on the car ride home. The only thing she said was her father has never been okay with any male in her life, ever, especially her ex-husband. Once we got back she went for a swim. I offered to go with and she said no thanks, that she wanted to go alone. That was like 90 minutes ago and she is still not back.
Its the shock of getting approval from hard nosed father !
Don't cha Think maybee... go Look and give that Comfy HUG...?!?
Nope. She has made it clear: Mad = Hug. When she wants space, stay away.
After a couple hours in the pool, talking to her sister on the phone, sitting and thinking for awhile and eventually making her way back up to the apartment, the lady came inside and gave me a long hug before jumping in the shower. When she got out I was sitting on the bed, she smiled at me and came over for some kisses. I then said to her “I know the service at the restaurant wasn’t that great today, but we can work through it together. Plus there are other places to eat.” She laughed and punched me in the chest before going back into the bathroom. After she dried her hair she led me back into the living room where we sat on the sofa and held hands. It seems she felt her dad was more open with me than he had ever been with her, which caused some old hurts to surface. She indeed did not know he was in the military or that he fought in a war. She feels like she just doesn’t really know him at all and was mourning over the dad she feels like she missed out on having.
Secondarily, the whole implied permission to get married thing really through her for a loop. He sternly disapproved of every boyfriend, every male friend, every suitor and her ex-husband. And now, somehow, I am perfectly acceptable after one long lunch together. I made sure to keep my comments to myself and let her cathartic moment happen naturally. Ultimately all of this brought us around to the word marriage, that ugly evil word that she despises. “Why would he say that? Does he think we are going to get married? Did he ask you about marrying me?” I told her I had no idea where it came from but I certainly did not bring it up. She on the other hand could not stop talking about it and talking about it a lot. After a while she seemed mostly relieved and more like her normal self. That’s when she went back to looking at me and smiling every few minutes.
Now I’m the one in turmoil.
Secondarily, the whole implied permission to get married thing really through her for a loop. He sternly disapproved of every boyfriend, every male friend, every suitor and her ex-husband. And now, somehow, I am perfectly acceptable after one long lunch together. I made sure to keep my comments to myself and let her cathartic moment happen naturally. Ultimately all of this brought us around to the word marriage, that ugly evil word that she despises. “Why would he say that? Does he think we are going to get married? Did he ask you about marrying me?” I told her I had no idea where it came from but I certainly did not bring it up. She on the other hand could not stop talking about it and talking about it a lot. After a while she seemed mostly relieved and more like her normal self. That’s when she went back to looking at me and smiling every few minutes.
Now I’m the one in turmoil.
Sounds like she saw a different side of her dad and not sure what to make of it.
Dad on the other hand saw a man worthy of his daughter. Ex sure wasn't and he saw that to.
She'll just need to time to sort things out. This may be a chance for her to get closer to her dad...if she wants that.
Dad on the other hand saw a man worthy of his daughter. Ex sure wasn't and he saw that to.
She'll just need to time to sort things out. This may be a chance for her to get closer to her dad...if she wants that.
Her world got turned upside down and she wasnt in control of it.....that was a big part of it...ad all the other things in ...bam...she was blind sided when she thought you were the one that was going to have a hard time with her dad...plus a bit of green eyed jealousy that he opened up to you too..my 2 cents.
EXACTLY!!! The entire dinner went 180* from what she expected, and she had absolutely no control over any of it.
Her dad opened up to you and even accepted you 100%. This was clearly unexpected, and left your lady completely confused.
Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how
Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don't need no other lover
Something in her style that shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how
You're asking me will my love grow
I don't know, I don't know
You stick around, now it may show
I don't know, I don't know
Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her
Something in the things she shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how
Lyrics by George Harrison
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how
Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don't need no other lover
Something in her style that shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how
You're asking me will my love grow
I don't know, I don't know
You stick around, now it may show
I don't know, I don't know
Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her
Something in the things she shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how
Lyrics by George Harrison
Well whatever she experienced it lasted until just shortly after dinner and then she was back to normal. She did tell me that she always wanted a real father-daughter relationship her dad, but it just never happened. She even admitted that some part of her married the dentist because he was the polar opposite of her own father, thinking that he would thusly be a better dad. But that didn't happen either. Her sister was also thrown for a loop and sort of accused of her of fabricating the part of about giving me permission to marry her. So lots of twist and turns in the old brain matter for her.
In order to help her feel better I proposed about 13 times, you know, since I had permission. But she didn't accept any of them. I also pondered out loud what kind of dowry I would likely receive for taking this old divorcee off her poor father's hands. I decided a fair payment would be $4,300, a bag of skittles, a free oil change coupon and a fainting goat. Eventually she told me stop proposing as I was at "serious risk" of her accepting, in which case she would expect us to be on the next flight to Vegas. I proposed one more time to test her and she shot me the stink eye said "Be careful, I will ******* marry you just to prove a point". I started to propose again but she attacked me part way through and we ended up playing male-nanny and single mother in the bedroom. After which she proposed to me but I told her she missed the boat and should have accepted before putting out. No one buys the cow if they get the milk for free.
In order to help her feel better I proposed about 13 times, you know, since I had permission. But she didn't accept any of them. I also pondered out loud what kind of dowry I would likely receive for taking this old divorcee off her poor father's hands. I decided a fair payment would be $4,300, a bag of skittles, a free oil change coupon and a fainting goat. Eventually she told me stop proposing as I was at "serious risk" of her accepting, in which case she would expect us to be on the next flight to Vegas. I proposed one more time to test her and she shot me the stink eye said "Be careful, I will ******* marry you just to prove a point". I started to propose again but she attacked me part way through and we ended up playing male-nanny and single mother in the bedroom. After which she proposed to me but I told her she missed the boat and should have accepted before putting out. No one buys the cow if they get the milk for free.
Butter bee careful, Cow might Dry Up...?!?
Well, she did wake up and decline my first proposal of the day. Although she did say I was nothing more than her male-nanny / secret lover and I needed to stop being so emotionally attached. Then she told me to get in the kitchen and make her breakfast.
You know her dad opening up about being a Marine, might be a opportunity for her to develop that relationship with him. At least to some degree
I Doubt that ^^^
"
The lady’s relationship with her father was tepid at best as her mother provided most of her care, support, encouragement and love. Her father was not around much and when he was he spent most of his time in the den not wanting to be bothered. The mother made excuses but the lady figured out eventually that alcohol was a factor in his desire to be left alone. When the lady’s mother passed unexpectedly their relationship went from lukewarm to cold as the father dived even deeper into his life of solitary consumption. The best description she could offer was that he was slow to lose his temper but always on the edge of grumpy, he was a lifelong conservative who despised progressives, he was educated and expected the proper use of language and grammar by his children, and his family came from money earned from two different industries; buying produce from farmers and distributing it to grocery store chains and automotive repair shops. Both enterprises were quite big but were eventually bought out by even larger companies. Then the family business, with her father at the helm, essentially became a private investment company using its wealth to build more wealth.
From the daughter’s perspective, he was a grandfather that either sent large checks to her mom to buy her something for her birthdays or Christmas or he forgot entirely and she got nothing. He rarely called and only showed up for holiday’s every few years. When he did show up he would book a suite and only come to the house for a couple hours each day, mostly to complain about global politics and talk about his favorite pro-baseball team. A team he followed very closely. Both admitted that there were glimpses of happiness, glimmers of love and he could be supportive from time to time. He was paying some portion of the daughter’s college education but expected to see good grades in return. The said sometimes it felt like he regretted not having a closer relationship with them, but it never seemed to last. Again, something they both felt had more to do with his alcoholism than anything else.
"
He drinks, and when he drinks he wants to be completely alone. When he is not drinking he is doing what he has to do in life sober so he can get back to drinking. Apparently he does have an "attendant" he pays to clean, shop, cook and provide home healthcare when needed. I guess she makes serious money, reportedly in the 6 figures, which also ensures complete confidentiality. The sister reached out to her to ask some questions after a brief hospitalization they found out about after the fact, and the attendant said "please don't call me again" and hung up. The lady believes that after her mom passed he doubled down with the drinking in order to hasten his death. She calls it his long slow suicide.
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Even alcholics need love. Many just don't feel like they deserve it. Perhaps this man isn't too far down that road to figure that out. From what I've witnessed with recovering alcoholics, LOVE (of some sort) was the reason for their sobriety.
I wonder what her father was thinking about while he was washing away his sobriety after he got home? You can numb feelings with alcohol, but you can't really get rid of them.....at least not permanently.....unless......well, I hope he's not at that point. I have a feeling that this man is looking for a reason to live. Since the Lady had mixed feelings when she got home, I'll bet he did too. Somehow I doubt you are the man he expected you to be.
The lady and her sister are beyond fatigued from trying to be part of his life and to be honest, I think they are waiting for him to be gone too. You can only let people down so many times before they stop rooting for you and start rooting against you. I have a feeling that after this weekend is over and we stop joking about it, everyone will just move on and forget about him until he pops up again x number of months down the road.
I can't get off my mind his time in Nam and what violence he witnessed, took part in. 1968 was during Tet. Being a Marine he well could have been around Hue or in Khe Shan. Both places had heavy savage fighting. Not that other places didn't, just 2 spots that was mostly Marine held areas. I'd bet he has demons from then he's been dealing with ever since. It just seemed like he opened up to you a little right away.
But like I've said anything would be on the daughters terms.
Prayers for all involved.
But like I've said anything would be on the daughters terms.
Prayers for all involved.
I think you're right, PTSD self-medicated with alcohol. I am not sure how I fit into all of this, from his perspective or hers, but I plan to continue being a passenger on the bus until someone asks me to drive. I have enough issues with my own pops.
This is why we live 1200 miles away from Hubby's family! I have a sister here who doesn't speak to us. What little is left of my family is 1700 miles away! A little buffer zone goes a long way!!
I bet that's why her dad sold his home and moved 4ish hours away, he didn't want visitors. Surprised he didn't move further away.
The ladies loved my "homemade" pancakes. Only they were really just Krusteaz buttermilk pancakes with an added egg, heavy cream mixed with water instead of just water and a dash of vanilla and cinnamon. I never called them homemade, they just presumed. Of course the real maple syrup didn't hurt either. Imagine thinking HFCS fake maple syrup tastes good. Blech. I did however learn that not everyone likes their sausage links fried crispy like I do, aka the correct way, but some were less cooked and they were happy with them. Sunday is now officially brunch day for the foreseeable future.
Also we were officially engaged for about 10 minutes until she recanted to keep her options open for a younger man. Easy come, easy go.
Also we were officially engaged for about 10 minutes until she recanted to keep her options open for a younger man. Easy come, easy go.
Sounds Familiar...^^^...?!? 
So no date night yesterday and no date night next Saturday either. She wants to have another weekend in, one with less drama and more fun. She is going to plan it out like a 3 day staycation and is even skipping ladies day at the spa to spend the whole day with me. Then she wants to select one date night a week and call it good. Sounds to me like we are done with the chase phase of the relationship and firmly into the live-in phase. Fortunately I am smart enough to know that if I want to keep her, I have to keep on chasing her even if she's already mine. Speaking of which, she told me stop asking her to marry me, even if it was done in humor, because "every time I ask her, she gets closer and closer to saying yes for real". When she said that her daughter's head spun around like the possessed girl from the Exorcist. Then she looked straight at me with big eyes and mouthed the word "WOW", like the statement shocked her even more than it did me.
Uh oh!! 
Uh oh!!
Exactly. I wonder if that wasn't part of her inner-conversation yesterday?
