Well that was something.
The trip to see her dad felt semi-tense and neither of the ladies were doing a lot of talking. I asked a few questions and received mostly brief answers that didn’t convey much information. The lady’s relationship with her father was tepid at best as her mother provided most of her care, support, encouragement and love. Her father was not around much and when he was he spent most of his time in the den not wanting to be bothered. The mother made excuses but the lady figured out eventually that alcohol was a factor in his desire to be left alone. When the lady’s mother passed unexpectedly their relationship went from lukewarm to cold as the father dived even deeper into his life of solitary consumption. The best description she could offer was that he was slow to lose his temper but always on the edge of grumpy, he was a lifelong conservative who despised progressives, he was educated and expected the proper use of language and grammar by his children, and his family came from money earned from two different industries; buying produce from farmers and distributing it to grocery store chains and automotive repair shops. Both enterprises were quite big but were eventually bought out by even larger companies. Then the family business, with her father at the helm, essentially became a private investment company using its wealth to build more wealth.
From the daughter’s perspective, he was a grandfather that either sent large checks to her mom to buy her something for her birthdays or Christmas or he forgot entirely and she got nothing. He rarely called and only showed up for holiday’s every few years. When he did show up he would book a suite and only come to the house for a couple hours each day, mostly to complain about global politics and talk about his favorite pro-baseball team. A team he followed very closely. Both admitted that there were glimpses of happiness, glimmers of love and he could be supportive from time to time. He was paying some portion of the daughter’s college education but expected to see good grades in return. The said sometimes it felt like he regretted not having a closer relationship with them, but it never seemed to last. Again, something they both felt had more to do with his alcoholism than anything else.
When we arrived the daughter pointed out his car, already in the lot. A fully loaded champagne colored Range Rover parked well away from the bulk of other cars. We parked closer to the doors and went inside. He was seated alone at a table large enough for 6 people and stood as soon as he saw his daughter and granddaughter. The man was larger than I expected, maybe 6’ and 215lbs, almost bald and dressed too nicely for a Saturday lunch meet up. A gold watch was on his left wrist that had the word “Rolex” at the top and a gold wedding band was also on display. His voice was deep and grumbly, but he spoke cleanly with crisp pronunciation. I was introduced and shook his hand as I shake every man’s hand, with all due pressure and firmness while looking him straight in the eyes. He did not have the semi-weak handshake I had been accustom to receiving. We sat down, dispensed some pleasantries, talked about the restaurant which seemed too run of the mill for this man, and eventually ordered some food. There was a lot of small talk; how is work, how is school, how is this, how is that. At some point he turned to me and said “So, I am lead to believe you have a history of violence, not that anything’s wrong with that” and “My daughter could use someone in her life that can protect her instead of chasing the next butterfly”. I simply responded that I have a history of service, providing a few details, and adding that my service was indeed accompanied by violence. He let out a light laugh and said “United States Marine Corps, III marine amphibious force, 1968. I too have a history of violence.” I looked at the lady who clearly had no idea her father was in the military. Of course that is when the food showed up.
There was not much conversation during the meal and afterwards we returned mostly to the state of the lady’s business, her repayment of a personal loan that he called an investment, the more recent legal annoyances and the potential of her expanding down the road. It was pretty obvious that when it came to all things financial, these two were of similar minds and capabilities. He eventually turned back to his granddaughter and asked more about school, her grades, etc. She put down her phone long enough to engage him, and was pleasant in doing so but you could sense the lack of closeness.
The bill arrived and was handed directly the father. I started to speak up and was immediately waived off and told “When I am gone from this world, you can pay the bill. Until then I will always pay”. I thanked him for lunch, as did his daughter and granddaughter. He just nodded and placed several crisp bills in various denominations on the table before folding his hands across his chest and looking around the room for the waitress. The next several minutes were slightly uncomfortable so the ladies excused themselves to use the restroom. The father then looked at me and said “Are you serious about my younger daughter, because she seems to be quite serious about you”. I maintained eye contact and said “She’s special. And I won’t hurt her. As long as I am in this world, neither will anyone else”. He sat back, smiled and said “Her last husband was a weak little man; I warned her but she was too stubborn to listen”. Then he said this: “Does your history violence haunt you?” I replied that it did not, that I am sure somewhere in the dark recesses it was waiting, wanting too but the light kept the darkness away. He nodded again and said “Good, good for you” as the ladies returned to the table. We all stood up and said our goodbyes, offering standard pleasantries again as we moved as a group out to the parking lot.
As the ladies were getting in the Audi he called me over to him, shook my hand again and said “If you decide to marry her, you don’t need my permission. You already have it.” Then he turned his back to me, walked away, climbed into his Range Rover and drove off. I got into the Audi and buckled up as the lady asked what he said. I told her verbatim and she sat there in what could only be described as shock. I ended up driving us home.