Rant for the Day (keep it clean)

[Cascadian]

That is sad. We were very close to our oldest granddaughter. She lived with us the first few years of her life and then right next door. We have had to let her wander away/ follow her mom down the wrong path. We just give her our love and wait for her to come back into our lives. Hopefully without being pregnant or worse, but hey great grands would be pretty awesome.

 

[Amish Heart]

We had the twins from age 10 to now, age 17. They were really messed up when they came to live with us.

 

[Tootsie]

Amish, that’s horrible that all that has happened. It is not time wasted, but it does hurt. You tried. You know, and God knows, and plenty of people, including those kids. Maybe the kids don’t see it now, but they ought to someday. Maybe when their kids return the favor.
I don’t think many kids, especially today, are aware of much beyond the ends of their noses. Right now there’s nothing more hurtful. But someday, when it’s all played out, the story will seem better.
Hugs, to you and your husband. You did the right thing.

 

[angie_nrs]

God bless you for trying Amish. If more of us stepped up and did what you did for 7 years (wow, BTW) our society would be much better off. No matter what happens next, those kids will know that you cared. It's not easy to dole out discipline. Back in the day, it was expected and accepted by society. There was much less addiction and crime back then too. There needs to be consequences for making poor choices. Teenagers are a pain! I'd imagine they are much worse now with the full access of the web where offensive actions are cheered and encouraged constantly. I think the devil works his deeds thru cell phones.....especially with those impressionable teens. Hopefully a few days of cool down on their end may change their way of thinking. If not, you still should be so proud of yourselves for what you've done up to this point. They don't yet realize what a gift you gave them and your sacrifices, but they will. I'll pray that your situation ends the best way for all involved, whatever that may be.

 

[Wingnut]

Wow, that's not a good outcome... and it certainly won't end well for the kids.

 

[zannej]

Chaosdown, I had a cat with a small liver but he lived to be fairly old. They never did know why his liver was small. I hope your doggy will start to eat and gain weight.

Amish_Heart, that is awful. I hope that the kids end up somewhere that works for them and that you won't have to deal with anymore stress from it. Sounds like the 17-yr old is rebelling hard and thinks she wants to be an adult. She'll probably change her mind once she actually is an adult and has to have adult responsibilities. Keep in mind that since they are children and it sounds like their earlier years were not stable, they are impulsive and don't really fully understand what the real world is like. You did your best.

But man, rules must be different where you are bc people here can beat the crap out of their kids, emotionally abuse them all they want, and DCFS will say that unless they have bruises or are malnourished then they don't want to hear about it. But then, schools here allow corporal punishment so physical abuse is ignored. I also found out that if another child in the home is sexually abusing another child, DCFS won't do anything. They only have rules to intervene if an adult is doing it. I suspect it is them just being lazy but who knows.

This weather is not helping me. Way too hot to get things done like I want.

 

[Neb]

God bless you for trying Amish. If more of us stepped up and did what you did for 7 years (wow, BTW) our society would be much better off. No matter what happens next, those kids will know that you cared. It's not easy to dole out discipline. Back in the day, it was expected and accepted by society. There was much less addiction and crime back then too. There needs to be consequences for making poor choices. Teenagers are a pain! I'd imagine they are much worse now with the full access of the web where offensive actions are cheered and encouraged constantly. I think the devil works his deeds thru cell phones.....especially with those impressionable teens. Hopefully a few days of cool down on their end may change their way of thinking. If not, you still should be so proud of yourselves for what you've done up to this point. They don't yet realize what a gift you gave them and your sacrifices, but they will. I'll pray that your situation ends the best way for all involved, whatever that may be.

Agreed!

@Amish Heart ,

It was not a waste of time. You gave them 7 years of a good home and a chance experience what that is like. That will be an influence on them that will last. You raised them to learn to do chores and contribute to a household. They both were working and earning money. Those are all gifts they may never have learned or or experienced if not for the effort you and Mr Amish put forth in their behalf.

Will their governorship apply to both or could the boy and the girl be independent decisions?

Have you considered an attorney? They can help you from being steam rolled by the machine.

From my own experienced, I was extreme at that age. My father told me at that age...

"
When you graduate, you will get out, get a job, or both.
"

May God smile on you and yours!

Ben

 

[Chaosdawn]

@Amish Heart I'm so sorry to hear about that, it must be so hard for you and your husband. But like others have said, I'm sure you did everything you could to give those kids a stable household with rules, as all children need whether they know it or not. I hope everything works out for you and them.

I am surprised about the cellphone thing though, 17 is still a minor and I wasn't aware of any laws saying a parent/guardian cannot take away a phone from a child. Maybe a state law. I'd double check it if I were you. Cops can be wrong. We had one not far from here who argued with the guy he almost hit cuz the cop didn't understand how a rotary works.

@zannej Thank you, it's good to know another pet had something similar and did well.

 

[Amish Heart]

Well we'll find out Monday what children's services recommends. I am ready to give up guardianship for both of them, actually, don't want them in the house. But husband is an old softy with grandson, and would take him back if he was sorry, agreed to addiction counseling. Granddaughter is a lying manipulator, and we are still wondering what she told the officers outside the house when they came and talked to her. I know she reported me taking his phone, I know she played recordings of me yelling at her after she started a fight, and I believe she also told them that she has been mentally abused. So....the Monday meeting will affirm what she wants, which is not to come back to our home. We will gladly give up her guardianship to the state come Tuesday during court. Don't know what grandson wants. He was loaded that night, all buzzed up, which is why the whole thing started. But things have come to light that she'd been planning this for weeks. He will go along with whatever his sis tells him to believe. I am more than peeved that granddaughter has been calling one of our daughters in New Mexico for a time now, complaining what monsters we are. After we had the girls day out on Thursday with me, and both granddaughters, she called our daughter and said we were monsters. Then the fun began with her brother, and the calling the police on us.
Maybe we've made a difference. I don't know. I do know that I do not want a relationship with her any more. We have done our best, and they were crazy feral children raised in a drug house when we first got them. We did not know them at all. My favorite cousin is beside herself right now, as well. Of course, the whole community knows at this point. I'm getting neighbors just "dropping in" for sure lately. I am mad, but am being careful not to feel hate. I am ready to get court done with, their personal items picked up, and be done with this.

 

[Chaosdawn]

Amish, I don't blame you at all for feeling that way, I would too. It's a betrayal, you took these children in when they needed it and gave them a home for seven years, there is no excuse for how she is acting. They'll be 'adults' next birthday anyway, they're just leaving home a little early.

 

[Wingnut]

I'm with CD on the phone issue, that might be worth looking into if the authorities start squawking about charges. You never know with these messed-up courts, they might pull anything under the guise of "protecting the children"---while the granddaughter causing most of the problems is clearly gaming the system. Saddest part is that it's no picnic being a ward of the state... the kids will learn to rue their folly, but by then it'll be too late.

Right now you're upset, and justifiably so, but don't bring that anger into the court hearing... and if they start squawking about "abuse" and how you're such a monster, you might explain to the judge (or whoever is in charge) how you took care of the kids for many years at your own expense, aye? Relinquishing guardianship of the ungrateful kids to the state would not be the best move for the kids, but it might be the best move for you if it means avoiding bogus charges...

It sucks to find yourself in this situation, but you also want to protect yourself from any bogus charges or 'black marks' on your record... I understand the part about wanting to cut the kids loose to let them learn the hard way, as I'm not the most patient man on earth, but try to keep your mind open to reconciliation, especially if the kids start changing their tune. Maybe they'll see enough in temporary "protective custody" to make them reconsider your points of view.

If things don't go your way in court and you start to feel overwhelmed, ask the judge for more time to seek legal counsel or prepare a defense. This from a hand who was falsely charged in Kalifornia and shot down multiple fake charges in their own rigged courtrooms, all while defending myself, go figure. Never wanted ANYTHING to do with ANY of it, but I was dragged into the public-fund-wastin' fiasco and I was forced to protect myself and my good name.

Had six months of my life ripped off the third time around, fighting the phony charges from the inside after my bail was jacked to half a million dollars (no record). All charges stemmed from my efforts to expose corruption in the D.A.'s office and the C.P.D., and I shot down the phony charges round after round. Hopefully you won't have to face the same ordeal, but don't expect honesty from ANYBODY in court, including cops, state workers, attorneys, or even the judge.

Having said all this, try not to dwell on things until the hearing... I know that's a tall order, believe me, I know, but it won't do any good dwelling on it. You've already been dragged into this situation and now it's a court matter, and such matters can drag on for weeks or months... but things might change at the hearing. One tip I can offer: write out a simple statement to read to the court, so you don't forget any important points when it's your time to speak. Good luck!!!

 

[Pearl]

Well we'll find out Monday what children's services recommends. I am ready to give up guardianship for both of them, actually, don't want them in the house. But husband is an old softy with grandson, and would take him back if he was sorry, agreed to addiction counseling. Granddaughter is a lying manipulator, and we are still wondering what she told the officers outside the house when they came and talked to her. I know she reported me taking his phone, I know she played recordings of me yelling at her after she started a fight, and I believe she also told them that she has been mentally abused. So....the Monday meeting will affirm what she wants, which is not to come back to our home. We will gladly give up her guardianship to the state come Tuesday during court. Don't know what grandson wants. He was loaded that night, all buzzed up, which is why the whole thing started. But things have come to light that she'd been planning this for weeks. He will go along with whatever his sis tells him to believe. I am more than peeved that granddaughter has been calling one of our daughters in New Mexico for a time now, complaining what monsters we are. After we had the girls day out on Thursday with me, and both granddaughters, she called our daughter and said we were monsters. Then the fun began with her brother, and the calling the police on us.
Maybe we've made a difference. I don't know. I do know that I do not want a relationship with her any more. We have done our best, and they were crazy feral children raised in a drug house when we first got them. We did not know them at all. My favorite cousin is beside herself right now, as well. Of course, the whole community knows at this point. I'm getting neighbors just "dropping in" for sure lately. I am mad, but am being careful not to feel hate. I am ready to get court done with, their personal items picked up, and be done with this.

She has some hard lessons to learn, let her go learn them!!

 

[Cascadian]

Reality can be harsh. Some people in foster care are in it for the kids and not in a good way.

 

[Bacpacker]

I'm with CD on the phone issue, that might be worth looking into if the authorities start squawking about charges. You never know with these messed-up courts, they might pull anything under the guise of "protecting the children"---while the granddaughter causing most of the problems is clearly gaming the system. Saddest part is that it's no picnic being a ward of the state... the kids will learn to rue their folly, but by then it'll be too late.

Right now you're upset, and justifiably so, but don't bring that anger into the court hearing... and if they start squawking about "abuse" and how you're such a monster, you might explain to the judge (or whoever is in charge) how you took care of the kids for many years at your own expense, aye? Relinquishing guardianship of the ungrateful kids to the state would not be the best move for the kids, but it might be the best move for you if it means avoiding bogus charges...

It sucks to find yourself in this situation, but you also want to protect yourself from any bogus charges or 'black marks' on your record... I understand the part about wanting to cut the kids loose to let them learn the hard way, as I'm not the most patient man on earth, but try to keep your mind open to reconciliation, especially if the kids start changing their tune. Maybe they'll see enough in temporary "protective custody" to make them reconsider your points of view.

If things don't go your way in court and you start to feel overwhelmed, ask the judge for more time to seek legal counsel or prepare a defense. This from a hand who was falsely charged in Kalifornia and shot down multiple fake charges in their own rigged courtrooms, all while defending myself, go figure. Never wanted ANYTHING to do with ANY of it, but I was dragged into the public-fund-wastin' fiasco and I was forced to protect myself and my good name.

Had six months of my life ripped off the third time around, fighting the phony charges from the inside after my bail was jacked to half a million dollars (no record). All charges stemmed from my efforts to expose corruption in the D.A.'s office and the C.P.D., and I shot down the phony charges round after round. Hopefully you won't have to face the same ordeal, but don't expect honesty from ANYBODY in court, including cops, state workers, attorneys, or even the judge.

Having said all this, try not to dwell on things until the hearing... I know that's a tall order, believe me, I know, but it won't do any good dwelling on it. You've already been dragged into this situation and now it's a court matter, and such matters can drag on for weeks or months... but things might change at the hearing. One tip I can offer: write out a simple statement to read to the court, so you don't forget any important points when it's your time to speak. Good luck!!!

Amish This is a terrible thing the GD is pulling on you and Mr Amish. Sounds like GS may just be along for the ride.
But I think Wingnut has some very valid points. #1 being, have a written statement before Monday. You don't want to miss this opportunity or forget ANY valid point. Write it out, re-read, have hubs read it over and adjust as many times as needed till it's just right.
Speaking for many others on here, I feel safe in saying our prayers are with you all as you deal with this.

 

[Amish Heart]

Thanks. I suspect she wants to be emancipated and move in with the boyfriend's family. We'll let them do the talking first, and try not to get emotional. They will be 18 next June. I keep hearing from people around here that where they're at, in protected custody, is a rough place. And with no cell phone use or vaping, I know that they're going bonkers. Hey, maybe she should call the police on them, for taking away her cell phone. I know that they say it's policy, but what about the policies of the grandparents when they're in charge? Those two know foster care, and yep, many are in it for the money. They were in foster care 10 different times before we got them. We went for guardianship. There's no money involved. I do believe the state runs a group home that takes them to school, and it's mostly for kids about to age out. The child services lady that set up the Monday meeting hasn't even looked at their files yet, and said she'll take a look Monday morning before the meeting. Is overworked and complaining. This meeting is supposed to be what will be best for them, not putting our "parenting" on trial, although I know granddaughter is hoping for that. Will do our best to be calm and reasonable. But we won't put up with her telling lies, and that's what I do expect.

 

[Pearl]

Thanks. I suspect she wants to be emancipated and move in with the boyfriend's family. We'll let them do the talking first, and try not to get emotional. They will be 18 next June. I keep hearing from people around here that where they're at, in protected custody, is a rough place. And with no cell phone use or vaping, I know that they're going bonkers. Hey, maybe she should call the police on them, for taking away her cell phone. I know that they say it's policy, but what about the policies of the grandparents when they're in charge? Those two know foster care, and yep, many are in it for the money. They were in foster care 10 different times before we got them. We went for guardianship. There's no money involved. I do believe the state runs a group home that takes them to school, and it's mostly for kids about to age out. The child services lady that set up the Monday meeting hasn't even looked at their files yet, and said she'll take a look Monday morning before the meeting. Is overworked and complaining. This meeting is supposed to be what will be best for them, not putting our "parenting" on trial, although I know granddaughter is hoping for that. Will do our best to be calm and reasonable. But we won't put up with her telling lies, and that's what I do expect.

You and your husband "got this"!! Little miss smarty thinks she's got this, I truly feel a huge lesson is coming her way!!

 

[Amish Heart]

I know it is, but I really hate to see it. We really wanted the best for those two, and they were so close. I'm really irritated that we spent that girls day out, all happy, making plans for their graduation party next year and celebrating getting her driver's license this week. Boy I was fooled. I have no idea what kind of moderator the child services will have during the "meeting". Hopefully a good one, that'll keep the discussions on track. I'd like to get this over with at this point. I'm so done.

 

[Weedygarden]

Amish, I feel for you. This is a betrayal that is only going to bite your grandchildren hard in the future. It sounds like you react to these things like I do. Betray and play me and I am done. A couple people here are on that list. Granddaughter thinks she's smart enough to get away with whatever she wants to. I foresee a troubled life for her more than grandson, but I could be wrong. They could both make big trouble for themselves. You know that what you and your husband did for them gave them a much better chance in life than they had going for them before you got them.

A cousin of mine was a severe alcoholic. She would get drunk, pass out mid day and her 4 very young children had to fend for themselves. They were really young when they were taken from cousin and adopted by a Christian family. The oldest son was taken in by an aunt at the age of 6, but was already incorrigible. It didn't take her long to relinquish him. He would steal anything from anyone at the age of six and has always been a thief, but also became a meth addict, and has been in and out of prison. Sometimes these children can be saved, and other times these experiences in their younger days have sadly already set the stage for their lives.

I was talking to someone about when I was teaching 3 to 6 year old's in the inner city. Some children were already so messed up that it was easy to see what the future held for them and it wasn't pretty. I never imagined that I would know so many people who went to prison.

You can know that what you did for them was more than anyone else would have, and now it is being thrown back at you. The day is coming when they will both regret their part in what is happening now. Too late.

 

[Weedygarden]

Amish, do you think grandson has an addiction? To vaping? Or is there more involved? Do you think he is being set up or encouraged by twin granddaughter to help bring together her evil plan?

 

[Camalot]

And I know that the Bonnie plants are replaced free by Bonnie, even if the store kills them. Maybe that's why their plant prices are so crazy.
I'm going to have older granddaughter give me the evil eye for awhile. She is 17 and will be a senior next year. The boy she likes just graduated, she's been seeing him for a year. He lives in mamas basement, and mows lawns for money. He is signed up to attend the junior college in our bigger town in August to learn computer stuff. He loves video games. He finally got his driver's license. His mom is a helicoptor mama, and also wants to still be a teen at the same time. Wants to be besties with our granddaughter and it kinda gets stupid. Well the mom called my husband and asked if our granddaughter can go on their family vacation for a week and a half this summer. They are going to Colorado, renting a cabin, doing water sports. Nope. Not appropriate. She does not need to be thrown in with a family of her first boyfriend. She's 17, still in High School. Told her that she can decide for herself whether she would like to go next year when she's 18. I thought it was creepy that they want her to go. I know, I'm a mean granny. I'll get the stink eye for awhile.

It's just inappropriate. That's all you need to say. A lot of times a good parent stands alone even against a spouse at times, but always do what's right and never waver. Some day when your granddaughter has kids of her own she'll remember this lesson and know that you did it out of caring, not meanness. Been there myself. Stood up against the family, court, and state. They finally saw things my way. Thankfully, because it sure was rough for a while. But, I told the step kids that I raised citizens not thugs. It'll work out.

 

[Camalot]

Thank you. So update, I picked up my pup and talked to the vet. She and the cardiologist looked at the x-rays and cardio said that he has an enlarged heart and prescribed medication for it that should come in the mail in a couple days (cheaper that way, he'll have to be on it for the rest of his life). Vet said his liver looked small on the x-ray, so I have an appt at a specialist facility the end of August for an echo cardiogram and an ultrasound to give us a better idea of what's going on. The x-rays are being sent to a radiologist to get their expert opinion and we should get those results early next week. His trachea looks fine, so there's that.

The biggest issue right now is his weight loss, he was 15-16 lbs and has dropped to 11 something in about a month's time. He doesn't want to eat much of anything, so the vet gave us an appetite stimulant for four days to see if that helps. He'll eat meat but he's still losing weight so I'm trying to sneak carbs in. I made him liverwurst and rice balls the past couple days and he's been eating them.

I kinda hinted in previous post, we've had an awful year, we lost my MIL in Feb after long battle with cancer (at 69) and FIL less than three months later to a sudden unexpected heart attack (at 70) which devastated the whole family. Literally, my SIL and him went to dinner, she brought him home and two hours later he was gone. I just can't deal with more loss this soon. It's too much.

Once we've reached the age of 50 there seems to never be good news unless someone is having a baby. Usually it's news that someone has passed or very ill.

 

[Wingnut]

One hand in Coronado said it best: "We've reached an age where we attend more funerals than weddings."

And ain't THAT the truth? I can remember when it was the other way around...

 

[zannej]

I'm one of those people who tries to view things from other's pov so I can see a 17-yr-old who has had such turmoil in her life thinking that telling her she can't do or have what she wants makes people "monsters". It is not a rational or even reasonable reaction, but I've seen kids that age react that way. Hell, I've seen people older than that react that way to not getting what they want. She may come to realize how good she had it when she is in custody of the state & has to follow their rules.

I will say that you may want to keep in mind her pov when going to court-- even if it seems asinine- to try to temper any anger/frustration you have. If you show empathy, the court may be more likely to see your side. I know it will be very hard when she has been manipulative, but it depends on the judge's attitude whether he/she will see that or not.

Hopefully the grandson will stop vaping and get some help. Sometimes bratty kids turn out ok even if they are still bratty at 17 or even 18. It just takes some maturing first.

 

[Amish Heart]

We're going to the meeting tomorrow, and I'm sure we'll be asked what we want to do. I want to know what the kids want to do. It is not possible to get a 17 yr old to do something that they don't buy in to. At least it's that way with these two. I will guess that she will not want to come home. I can't guess what he wants to do...they've been apart since Thursday night with no phone. Usually he does what she says. So if she wants to do something else, she will have child services set something up for her, and she will be held accountable to them till she's 18, and ditto for her brother. If he or she wants to come home, it'll be with lots of restrictions, and child services following through with counseling and drug counseling for him. They will still need to be held accountable to child services, because at that point, they would be in our face. They would have to answer to disobeying household rules. Which they do disobey quite often. Then yell at us about it, then act out, then granddaughter will record the last of the argument where I'm yelling my head off at her. That is what she sent to one of our daughters, who is going to be at the meeting by phone, in support of our granddaughter. Granddaughter has been calling her and telling her crazy lies the past year. I'm sad about that. Our daughter was supposed to arrive Thursday for a visit with us. I doubt she'll even speak to us again. She's been hoodwinked.
So this was their schedule last week: Monday...grandson was vaping, all doped up. I lectured him at noontime, he hadn't been eating or sleeping because he was using enormous amts of nicotene. Then he went out with his girlfriend. Granddaughter at boyfriends house. The boyfriend and girlfriend and grandkids came back for a barbeque with us and my mom and fireworks. Had a great time. Tuesday: grandson went to work. Didn't want to walk the dog when he came home. Vaping. Granddaughter worked at the burger place for 4 hours, then went out with boyfriend. Wednesday: Grandson went to work, did walk a dog and pick up his clean laundry when he came home, worked on the goose cage a bit. Granddaughter helped with a couple of chores in the morning, then spent the day with boyfriend. Thursday....grandson went to work. Granddaughters and I spent a girls day out with me treating them to shopping and places they wanted to go. Came home and have since found out granddaughter called our daughter and told her lies that we were so abusive. Grandson came home from work, and they both worked a bit on the new goose run (30 min) then I couldn't find him. I went out to look and he was outside, shirt off, rapping and vaping, higher than a kite. I said to give me the vape stuff and his phone. Came in and put it on my husband's desk. Granddaughter went nuts, yelled at me, went to my husbands desk and grabbed the phone. Then hit record on her phone to record his response. It wasn't pretty. Ran outside and told me she was calling the police on me and child services for stealing his phone. She did. Don't care if some 17 yr olds would think that kind of week was monstrous, Zannej. They have it good. Then sat here and told the police they were abused. By an old granny and a handicapped grandpa? So my question is, what do they want to do? She was planning this awhile, but to what end? It is peaceful at our house the last few days, I will say that. Although husband is worried sick about them. I am not. It's what they chose to do, and we had no say about it at all. I will say, if anybody would ask me today if they should take in troubled children, to help them, of course. Don't do it. I'm trying not to sound bitter, but it's really the truth.

 

[goshengirl]

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this, @Amish Heart. I was explaining it all to DH, and we lamented how certain elements in society have become very successful in driving a wedge between children and parents/guardians who are good for them. The state and the culture gives children a false sense of being adults, when they are anything but. They come to believe that they should be able to do (or not do) whatever they want, and anyone who tells them otherwise is abusive. They learn to feel victimized because that is what is rewarded. Society coddles them while at the same time gives them premature liberation, which prevents them from maturing into functioning, independent adults.

I think to @zannej ’s point, keeping the twins’ point of view in mind isn’t to validate that pov, or make excuses for them, but rather it might help you during the court situation.

What makes me the saddest in all of this is the situation with your daughter and her involvement. I pray for peace and healing in the relationship you share with each other.

 

[Magus]

Wow. I'm a lousy father.
I have so few rules to follow, but I get a bit psycho if they're not.
You have to share the last of anything, use the garbage can, flush the toilet, do your own dishes, don't summon anything new in the house, pay half the bills, and no spooky stuff where the neighbors can see it!

 

[Supervisor42]

We're going to the meeting tomorrow, and I'm sure we'll be asked what we want to do. I want to know what the kids want to do. It is not possible to get a 17 yr old to do something that they don't buy in to. At least it's that way with these two. I will guess that she will not want to come home. I can't guess what he wants to do...they've been apart since Thursday night with no phone. Usually he does what she says. So if she wants to do something else, she will have child services set something up for her, and she will be held accountable to them till she's 18, and ditto for her brother. If he or she wants to come home, it'll be with lots of restrictions, and child services following through with counseling and drug counseling for him. They will still need to be held accountable to child services, because at that point, they would be in our face. They would have to answer to disobeying household rules. Which they do disobey quite often. Then yell at us about it, then act out, then granddaughter will record the last of the argument where I'm yelling my head off at her. That is what she sent to one of our daughters, who is going to be at the meeting by phone, in support of our granddaughter. Granddaughter has been calling her and telling her crazy lies the past year. I'm sad about that. Our daughter was supposed to arrive Thursday for a visit with us. I doubt she'll even speak to us again. She's been hoodwinked.
So this was their schedule last week: Monday...grandson was vaping, all doped up. I lectured him at noontime, he hadn't been eating or sleeping because he was using enormous amts of nicotene. Then he went out with his girlfriend. Granddaughter at boyfriends house. The boyfriend and girlfriend and grandkids came back for a barbeque with us and my mom and fireworks. Had a great time. Tuesday: grandson went to work. Didn't want to walk the dog when he came home. Vaping. Granddaughter worked at the burger place for 4 hours, then went out with boyfriend. Wednesday: Grandson went to work, did walk a dog and pick up his clean laundry when he came home, worked on the goose cage a bit. Granddaughter helped with a couple of chores in the morning, then spent the day with boyfriend. Thursday....grandson went to work. Granddaughters and I spent a girls day out with me treating them to shopping and places they wanted to go. Came home and have since found out granddaughter called our daughter and told her lies that we were so abusive. Grandson came home from work, and they both worked a bit on the new goose run (30 min) then I couldn't find him. I went out to look and he was outside, shirt off, rapping and vaping, higher than a kite. I said to give me the vape stuff and his phone. Came in and put it on my husband's desk. Granddaughter went nuts, yelled at me, went to my husbands desk and grabbed the phone. Then hit record on her phone to record his response. It wasn't pretty. Ran outside and told me she was calling the police on me and child services for stealing his phone. She did. Don't care if some 17 yr olds would think that kind of week was monstrous, Zannej. They have it good. Then sat here and told the police they were abused. By an old granny and a handicapped grandpa? So my question is, what do they want to do? She was planning this awhile, but to what end? It is peaceful at our house the last few days, I will say that. Although husband is worried sick about them. I am not. It's what they chose to do, and we had no say about it at all. I will say, if anybody would ask me today if they should take in troubled children, to help them, of course. Don't do it. I'm trying not to sound bitter, but it's really the truth.

I shouldn't say a word about this, but it is so much like history repeating itself.
I remember many of my friends moving out of their parent's house at 16 (when they could drive the clunker they had built), or at 17. Remember 'hippy communes'? Yes, they/we got high.
Their parents had no choice but to release them onto the world.
Today I can see both sides of the coin, and I remember my friends telling me how much living on minimum-wage sucked and that they knew their future would never improve.
I stayed at home until I had my 2-year technical degree and my first job was over 3X min-wage.
Were my parents strict?
Sure, they refused to let me take my girlfriend up to the barn and show her what 2 young people with a blanket can do in the hay.

 

[Amish Heart]

Similar rule here. Boyfriend or girlfriend allowed over, and for dinner anytime. But not upstairs. I guess I haven't watched them in the barn, but you know, if there's a will, there's a way!
I left home when I was 16. I know how it is.
But...did you ever call the police on your grandparents?
This is a first for me.

 

[Weedygarden]

Similar rule here. Boyfriend or girlfriend allowed over, and for dinner anytime. But not upstairs. I guess I haven't watched them in the barn, but you know, if there's a will, there's a way!
I left home when I was 16. I know how it is.
But...did you ever call the police on your grandparents?
This is a first for me.

When I had dinner with you recently, the topic of the girlfriend and the boyfriend was something I considered bringing up, but time is always so limited, and really, it is none of my business. But hearing about how granddaughter is manipulative, it takes a certain amount of intuition and awareness to get around some people's intentions. I have missed the mark a few times with manipulative and deceptive people. That is why I drop them like a hot potato.

We all know the desires of teenagers and how easy it is for a girl to get pregnant. We know how things are in our homes, but when they are not with us, where we can watch and see, anything could happen. Notice that they didn't bring the friends over to hang out? Because they knew they could get away with stuff away from you that they couldn't get away with at your place with you supervising.

And there is the way that much of the world deals with teenagers and allows them anything and everything they want. I imagine that a teenager who sees others get away with stuff finds it abusive not to do whatever it is that they want.

 

[Amish Heart]

Yep, I do believe you hit the nail on the head, Weedy. Granddaughter would like to get away with the stuff the older young ladies do. She even points out the Rumspringa girls and says I don't know what they do. But she's wrong, I can guess what they do, and it's probably whatever they can get away with. I know it was "that time of the month" for her when she left the house Thursday night, so as of now, she's not expecting. I know because she left a mess in the bathroom.