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d_marsh

d_marsh

Awesome Friend
Neighbor
Joined
May 24, 2024
Messages
1,091
Location
the Rockies
Decided I should start a thread about this instead of polluting other threads. Especially since this is apparently going to be an ongoing issue and the only person I talk to about her just laughs and makes whipping sounds. So good news, you are now all my unpaid relationship counselors. Congrats.

If you already know the story, feel free to skip this paragraph:

Long story short, I met this woman at a party and things progressed very quickly. Next thing you know we end up back at my place, which to be honest is not my usual thing as I prefer going back to their place or a hotel. Hell I usually avoid giving out my last name. Yes I am that guy, feel free to judge, never claimed to be a saint. Anyway I wasn't complaining as most of my prior catch and release dates were basic white girls and this one was a bit more exotic. Regardless she just up and refused to be released. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months and she never left. At the same time we were having a lot of fun, if you get my drift, and the place had never been cleaner. But in hindsight this may have all been an invasion concealed as a sexcapade. I made it ridiculously clear that marriage and kids were NOT in my future. I drove that point home like a Chinese immigrant pounding spikes into railroad ties. Yet she stuck around and along the way got rid of her place, moved her stuff in including dogs, made herself a gate key, learned the electronic key code to my door, had her mama come visit, became passionate about guns, demonstrated her ability to cook, found a way to meet my pops, started saying I love you even though I don't say it back, started referring to me in the presence of others as "her man", bought a car not so dissimilar to mine, started doing all my laundry, bought me a dresser and "us" a bed, bought a sofa and a recliner... and the story continues. I am sure I am missing dozens of WTH moments too. Like @Pearl trying to make me think she is waiting to express her political opinions until she is fully versed in mine and the fact that I live in a common law state so I am pretty sure she has marital rights even though we aren't married.

Anyway today she suddenly says "Are you okay if I make you my in-case-of-emergency contact and my beneficiary?". I was like Biden giving a speech, I just stood there confused unable to utter actual words. How does one answer that question!? Beneficiary? Does this mean 401K, life insurance, what? Either way it sounds like a commitment. Like for life. It also made me wonder if she is going to take out life insurance on me. Can she do that? Just take out a policy? Eventually I just muttered "I guess so" and she got all bubbly and excited, like I did something tangible there. Then she asked if I would send part of it to her sister if something ever happened to her, as her mama lives with her sister. Like we're all family now. I need to be more alert to these out of the blue questions of hers. I wonder what's coming next.
 
A book? I am not even sure I will survive these first few chapters. She takes out a life insurance policy on me and suddenly I have a hiking accident. Next thing you know my rice, beans, sugar and salt are all in a crate on their way to South America. Plus if I wrote a book I would have all these angry blue hairs screaming toxic masculinity at me everywhere I go.
 
well you know what they say about thinking with the little head. But so far you really don't seem to have anything to complain about other than a little missing opportunity to get in more trouble. If she just wants to share your life, maybe its not so bad, She could have bought a Camaro or something like that to upstage you. As long as she doesn't tell you you have too many toys, you might be ok. And from what I have heard a person actually has to have their poop in a group to be a 911 dispatcher
 
Tirediron said:
And from what I have heard a person actually has to have their poop in a group to be a 911 dispatcher
Click to expand...

Or, and hear me out, maybe she just has to be cute with a well shaped backside.

Okay she is actually pretty on the ball for someone with dual citizenship. She started out as a Deputy Sheriff but had so much trouble she decided to exchange her pistol for a headset. Every traffic stop and every call: "I would let you cuff me", "You can pull me over anytime", "How many quotas did they meet when they hired you?", etc. And the male deputies were just as bad, sometimes worse. They still are but the boss of that area is a real ball buster and chases them away. Plus I think she is married to like a captain or something.

Now that I think about it, the lady made her career move a few months before she moved in on me. So I might exist to keep all that crap at bay.
 
d_marsh said:
Or, and hear me out, maybe she just has to be cute with a well shaped backside.

Okay she is actually pretty on the ball for someone with dual citizenship. She started out as a Deputy Sheriff but had so much trouble she decided to exchange her pistol for a headset. Every traffic stop and every call: "I would let you cuff me", "You can pull me over anytime", "How many quotas did they meet when they hired you?", etc. And the male deputies were just as bad, sometimes worse. They still are but the boss of that area is a real ball buster and chases them away. Plus I think she is married to like a captain or something.

Now that I think about it, the lady made her career move a few months before she moved in on me. So I might exist to keep all that crap at bay.
Click to expand...
successful people want the same in partners...i think you both are from what i read.
 
d_marsh said:
...
Anyway today she suddenly says "Are you okay if I make you my in-case-of-emergency contact and my beneficiary?". I was like Biden giving a speech, I just stood there confused unable to utter actual words. How does one answer that question!? Beneficiary? Does this mean 401K, life insurance, what? Either way it sounds like a commitment. Like for life. It also made me wonder if she is going to take out life insurance on me. Can she do that? Just take out a policy? Eventually I just muttered "I guess so" and she got all bubbly and excited, like I did something tangible there. Then she asked if I would send part of it to her sister if something ever happened to her, as her mama lives with her sister. Like we're all family now. I need to be more alert to these out of the blue questions of hers. I wonder what's coming next.
Click to expand...
...I will wait patiently for the next shoe to drop:
"Well, I set you up as my beneficiary, it's now time for you to set me up as your beneficiary" :waiting:.
 
I can not help you, I dated 5 or 6 women, then marrying my childhood sweetheart.
After Forty years of never being a part more than a week, I happy as a pig in mud.
After seeing what pass for women on the internet, I am glad I am not out there anymore.
 
Pearl said:
Ok, here's the low down!! SHE NOW HAS YOUR SIGNATURE!! You have TWO choices!! 1) Kick her to the curb, never have sex with her again, and she will kill you!! 2) Keep her, enjoy her sex, she will kill you!! Why wouldn't me m or sister be the beneficiary? You are a frog in a boiling pot! 🤔😉
Click to expand...
Laugh all you want boys, 😮,...
 
well,,,,,you got to just ask youself
are you comfortable around her--does your gut trust her
does she make you laugh and feel better
is your life better off with her or without her
does she pay her way - pull her own weight

seems kinda ok but then if you didnt have questions youd not ask,


shes either in love with you and wants to hare a life together

or just looking for a safe roomate to help take care of her and amke her life better

or its a scam and she is using you

if youre a praying man, ask God to show you the truth about this person

hope you find the right answer and true happiness
 
Great, I'd prefer to do therapy on people I don't know.

I'm with Jazzy's comments - what does your gut tell you? And if shes paying her own way. Is life with her 'comfortable'?
A psychologist would inquire to why you showed her where you live - maybe part of you is not the guy you think you are - I see you as a sort of Harley Davidson and the Marlboro man character- :) (one of my fav mind fudge movies)

A few questions-if you sat down and asked her 'where are we going with this' ask yourself what would you be most afraid to hear and why?
Take the 'toss a coin' analogy I use on my kids. When you can't make up your mind - toss a coin. You'll either be relived of the choice, or disappointed, which means you will know what you really wanted.
Is it her ethnicity that is making you think shes scamming you? Because I'm sure there's a white girl out there who will do the same.
Did your family like her? They are normally our harshest critics

Finally - Are you happy? Life is short my friend. Take every opportunity.
 
@jazzy @Magpie

My gut was planning on living the single life forever and dying alone on a mountain. I was very content with the girlfriend for a night system where all they had to do was look good and consent, then of course not look for me the next day. Crazy or liberal never really mattered. But this one just seems to have attached herself to me and has no plans on letting go.

On my last psychological assessment, required for my line of work, I was told I was "not emotionally available". Which is of course the understatement of the decade and probably why I don't have PTSD. I will admit that I have gotten used to the lady being in my proximity, even if she very invasive. When I go places she asks where I am going and always wants to come along. She even wants to look at my expenses and wants to pay part of the bills, but that doesn't seem right. Every step I take to keep her at arms length, she takes 10 steps to get close. If she wasn't as good looking as she is this would be a whole lot easier.
 
d_marsh said:
@jazzy @Magpie

My gut was planning on living the single life forever and dying alone on a mountain. I was very content with the girlfriend for a night system where all they had to do was look good and consent, then of course not look for me the next day. Crazy or liberal never really mattered. But this one just seems to have attached herself to me and has no plans on letting go.

On my last psychological assessment, required for my line of work, I was told I was "not emotionally available". Which is of course the understatement of the decade and probably why I don't have PTSD. I will admit that I have gotten used to the lady being in my proximity, even if she very invasive. When I go places she asks where I am going and always wants to come along. She even wants to look at my expenses and wants to pay part of the bills, but that doesn't seem right. Every step I take to keep her at arms length, she takes 10 steps to get close. If she wasn't as good looking as she is this would be a whole lot easier.
Click to expand...
About how long ago was that and when did You 2 Hook Up...?!?
 
Snowman said:
About how long ago was that and when did You 2 Hook Up...?!?
Click to expand...

Late 2022, so like a year and a half ago. This is by far the longest "relationship" I have been in at roughly 18 months. The record before that was a flight attendant that I was with for like 3 days on a layover and we only left let her hotel room two or three times. Nor did I ever see her again after we went our separate ways. I don't even think I knew her last name.
 
Snowman said:
How long ago was Your "psychological assessment"...?!?
Click to expand...

Every year in May or June. Psych, Poly, PT - pass or find a new career. Every year the brain doc says basically the same things: I am aggressive but not so much so as to cause them concern, I am emotionally unavailable, I am not trusting of others, I work well within an established hierarchy, I am capable of being highly focused, I am able to endure conditions others would consider harsh, blah bah blah.
 
d_marsh said:
@jazzy @Magpie

My gut was planning on living the single life forever and dying alone on a mountain. I was very content with the girlfriend for a night system where all they had to do was look good and consent, then of course not look for me the next day. Crazy or liberal never really mattered. But this one just seems to have attached herself to me and has no plans on letting go.

On my last psychological assessment, required for my line of work, I was told I was "not emotionally available". Which is of course the understatement of the decade and probably why I don't have PTSD. I will admit that I have gotten used to the lady being in my proximity, even if she very invasive. When I go places she asks where I am going and always wants to come along. She even wants to look at my expenses and wants to pay part of the bills, but that doesn't seem right. Every step I take to keep her at arms length, she takes 10 steps to get close. If she wasn't as good looking as she is this would be a whole lot easier.
Click to expand...
With the greatest respect to the men on this forum - alot of males don't consider themselves emotionally available. Its DNA.
You didn't answer my question about being happy.
And please, let the lady pay her own way, no one wants to feel owned.
That way, if you ever decide to part ways, its on equal terms.
Just enjoy it for what it is; don't over think it.
 
Magpie said:
With the greatest respect to the men on this forum - alot of males don't consider themselves emotionally available. Its DNA.
You didn't answer my question about being happy.
And please, let the lady pay her own way, no one wants to feel owned.
That way, if you ever decide to part ways, its on equal terms.
Just enjoy it for what it is; don't over think it.
Click to expand...

Happy is a weird construct for me. I seem to exist in comfortable and uncomfortable, neither are necessarily bad it just depends on the circumstances. I am comfortable with her being around but I am uncomfortable when it feels like she is making things permanent.

I am not trying to own her, I am just trying to make it clear that this is my property and my residence and thus it's on me to be responsible for it. If she starts paying than it becomes ours. I let her buy some furniture and now she is even going to get some decor. She also pays for groceries sometimes, or when we go out to dinner, or when we go to a movie. It's just the living space that concerns me.
 
d_marsh said:
Happy is a weird construct for me. I seem to exist in comfortable and uncomfortable, neither are necessarily bad it just depends on the circumstances. I am comfortable with her being around but I am uncomfortable when it feels like she is making things permanent.

I am not trying to own her, I am just trying to make it clear that this is my property and my residence and thus it's on me to be responsible for it. If she starts paying than it becomes ours. I let her buy some furniture and now she is even going to get some decor. She also pays for groceries sometimes, or when we go out to dinner, or when we go to a movie. It's just the living space that concerns me.
Click to expand...
that is a valid concern thanks to lawyers making more work for there scum bucket selves nothing is clear.
 
nothing wrong with being a private type of person . but sounds like she is looking for thinking she has true love.

if you want to keep the relationship but feel like you need more space-time alone, explain that to her. you got an office or porch or some space you can go to, your cave of quiet?
im not making fun, im alot like that. not much of a people person and need my alone time.

were all broken inside somewhere to some degree. men and women have some differetn broken parts and some similar. the ticket to a good relationshipo is explaing whats important and you need to be jhappy. . and also, sometimes when we get love we get scared. were afraid it is real, love has a price tag in that it takes thought and action to keep ut alive and sometimes we set up barriers to not get hurt again.

just all goes back to-does she make you happy, no hints of dishonesty or using you, and can you talk with her to explain whats on your mind.
 
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