Given current conditions, I'd agree that a remote place should be first. You may need a place to flee to. Buy some land, put up a basic home. If the SHTF you will need it.
The Ladies
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As long it isn't a "Hazel"...?!?Alice will have a big cleaning job!!
So here's my thought on that. The mountains around here are FULL of houses, cabins and mansions owned by the wealthy elite for skiing and other purposes. The elite who do not live anywhere near the state and could never make it here if the S truly hits the F. Not to mention the 1,000+ AirBNB vacation rentals all over the mountains. So if something happens before I am settled, I will have my choice of places to go free of charge. It takes all of 2 seconds to tell the difference between a homestead and a vacation house. Might sound cold or malicious, but survival is survival. And yes, I have a specific place in mind too. About 2 miles from the compound and it sits empty about 11 months of the year.
Well now I'm not happy. Drove to the compound only to get a call from the lady letting me know the the daughter just found a note on her car from this kid who asked her out and she said no too. The note was very creepy and stalkerish and it turns out this wasn't the first note or the first creepy thing he has done in the last week or so. It was however the first stalkerish note he left on her car AT THE APT building. He must have followed her home after class last week. Sounds like I might have to dig a hole then look for my sharpest carrot peeler.
On my way back to the city. This is not okay. Hello darkness my old friend.
see...told ya...they need you on many levels !
Punk wannabe, not gonna end well
Too close! Hope she knows where he lives!!
Nope, she was Always getting in Mr. B's Business...!!!That's more like it, not the Brady Bunch!!
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It is probable that he has been stalking her for a while. People like him do not like being told "NO". If she is as beautiful and attractive as her mother, and now that he realizes that she is above the average person financially, he probably thinks she is a catch.
Stalkers, however, are often narcissistic and abusive. It is absolutely so good that you are so close to the girl, so that you can send a strong message to the creep.
This is a good opportunity for her to learn about protecting herself and to be aware of her surroundings at all times. She needs to figure out what his vehicle is like. And, does he have a tracking device attached to her car?
I bought my daughter and myself pepper spray, made by Sabre. I see that Sabre has a spray that has a wrist strap, so it could be there when needed, like when walking on campus or in parking garages.
Daughter is always changing hand bags and thinks that the spray is too much for her. She said she wouldn't even be able to find it if she needed it. She probably couldn't since it isn't a priority for her. I'd really like to get her a small pistol, but I think she would be greatly opposed to that as well. A stun gun would also be something that daughter could have. She has no idea about the gun collection that her dad had that got sold off when he developed ALS. Daughter runs, or did and will again when she heals from her foot surgery, so this wrist spray would be a good thing for her to have.
Those mini WD40s work great when sprayed in the face!
They spray a nice stream and are just as convenient to carry as pepper spray!
and Wd 40 has a pleasant smell , so when a dangerous person arrives to crap kick the idiot (and what ever "cop" shows up) they don't get pepperspray on their handsThose mini WD40s work great when sprayed in the face!
OK back on the rails, : As bad as this stalker incident is this should convince the daughter that you are truly a source of wisdom.
Sounds like it's time to strike the fear of God in the stalker!
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I agree. I think the restaurant incident where Marsh went out and confronted the two men who were hanging out around the lady's car was a time that both the lady and her daughter had to realize what a protector he is and could be for them.
So here's where things are at.
I received a call from the lady who was already somewhere between concerned and angry before she clicked the green button on her phone. It seems her daughter has an unrequited love interest, a young male who wants to date her but does not seem to understand that no thank you means it’s not going to happen. And no, I am not talking about the guy she has in the friend zone. I am confident that she likes him, she just can’t bring herself to let the traffic light turn from orange to green so he can proceed. And he seems more than willing to just sit at the intersection of patience and worth-the-wait until it happens.
A week or so back the male approached her in the hallway outside of one of her classes and struck up a conversation. She has seen him around and spoken to him a few times before, but they aren’t really friends, just barely acquaintances. After a minute or two of small talk he asked her out, she said ‘thanks but no thanks’ adding that she is sole focused on work and school and has no plans on dating anyone. Her way of letting him know it wasn’t personal, she just had other priorities. Message not received. The male started showing up at the coffee shop she works at, by pure coincidence of course, trying to monopolize her time. She again explained that she was not interested and his being there could cause issues with her employer. He stopped following her around but was still showing up every time she worked. Meanwhile her friends and co-workers began informing her that the male has tried to get her phone number from them under the guise that he accidentally deleted it, or he needed to text her about class, or some other excuse. She decided to report this to both her supervisor at work and to an instructor who passed it on to campus security. The coffee shop manager asked him to stop coming by and campus security advised her that he hadn’t violated any rules of conduct but to keep them informed. Both were a step in the right direction, but neither were all that helpful.
Then the notes started to appear, notes on her car after class, notes in her textbooks, etc. The notes weren’t threatening but were disconcerting and would always include his phone or snap chat or some other way for them to communicate. The daughter decided at this point to tell the friend zone guy about the situation who in turn skipped class at the end of last week and waited by her car instead. Sure enough, the male shows up and friend zone confronted him. It reportedly almost turned into a physical confrontation with some chest puffing and a little pushing, but the male walked off and the friend zone guy got to prove something to the daughter. The key take away here was that the male remained undeterred and somehow convinced himself persistence was key to winning her over.
It was at this point that the daughter decided to tell her mom the whole story. Not because of the shoving match, but because when she went out to retrieve something from her car she found another note… only this time at home. And this note rode the line between creepy and full on mentally ill.
“My dearest [name],
I know you don’t love me, but one horrible day you were really nice to me. You are always nice, nice to everyone. You give out niceness like it’s free. But that one day, that one ******* awful day, you were nice just for me. You smiled at me, just me. And I love you for it. You cut me free from my old self and helped me become someone new, someone special. Special like you have always been. I watch you, stare at you, think about you, dream about you. I collect little bits of you. A pen your hand once grasped, a straw your lips used to drink, a note you crumpled up and threw away, a strand of hair left on your desk. I have mental folders full of images of your face, your smile, your bright shining light. Can you feel me watching you? Can you feel me sending positivity and love toward you? You know my name, you have seen my face, you said no but did you really mean it? You smile at me every day. I watch you to make sure you’re safe. I am a security guard, so I know how to keep people safe, how to protect you. I will never let anyone hurt you, not even that fucker who follows you around all the time. I made him go away once and I will do it again. I am strong and I am committed. Committed to you. I will wait for you, provide for you, protect you, as long as it takes. That’s what love is.
Always and forever, [name]”
I imagine her mom immediately flashed back to her trip to the shooting range and those holes instantly appearing in the target as she pulled the trigger. However instead of acquiring a 9mm, what she did was call me, and I will admit my first instincts were quite dark and very permanent. It was fortunate that it took me over an hour of travel time to get back to them. Once back at the apartment, slightly calmer and with both the lady and her daughter in my view, I set out to do what I do. This stalker was about to have another horrible day, he just didn’t know it yet.
I did some quick research, called in some favors, and discovered that the male was 20 years old, 5’10” and 170lbs according to his driver’s license. I will hence forth refer to him as boy because no man would behave this way and calling him male seems too generous. The boy’s social media indicated he was attending college for criminal justice, which I found both ironic and unsurprising. I don’t know the kid, but something tells me he will end up in a low-level prison job or spend his whole career in retail security. He has a sealed juvenile record but no documented arrests or citations in the last two years. In my experience people like him are incapable of rational thought and will not get the message directly or indirectly from normal communication. They are also not always dissuaded easily and something would need to happen to sour the milk and turn him off to her as a love interest. I decided to take a page out of friend zone’s book and spend some time watching her car for his next note.
I sat in the Challenger for a few hours at the school, parked a little back and across the one-way street from her Audi as the daughter attended her morning classes. The boy did not show. Eventually she returned to her car and left for home, unbeknownst to her with her mother’s boyfriend following close behind. She parked on the second floor of the large concrete parking ramp and took the skywalk across to her building. I parked nearby and sat for a while hoping the boy would show up. While visually monitoring the area I observed the friend zone guy show up in a compact Ford SUV and park within view of the daughter’s vehicle. We both sat there for some time. I listened to a couple radio talk shows and scrolled through images on my Instagram app to pass the time. A few cars came and went, before a newer silver sedan pulled in, parked and the boy got out. I was pleased and I am sure a grin formed on my face. He looked both ways, apparently expecting anyone on the lookout for him to be dressed in bright orange with a flashing sign. As he walked straight toward the girl’s Audi with a note and a single flower in his hand, before I even opened my car door, the friend zone guy arrived on foot to confront him.
I used the distraction to place a Brickhouse tracker on the sedan before I stood and watched from the shadows as they argued and threatened one other. Eventually friend zone had enough and popped the boy with a decent jab. The boy swung back with a wild reactive punch, failing to connect before the boy popped him again. Unfortunately, he failed to take full advantage of the opportunity to put him down. The boy stepped in and landed a punch of his own before the two stood and grappled for a few seconds before the boy managed to trip up friend zone who fell to the concrete floor. It was clear that friend zone was more than capable of handling himself but needed some instruction on finishing what he started.
I stepped into the light and marched right at the boy. He heard me coming just in time to look over, see me and instinctively start walking backwards. I walked him back into the braided steel cables meant to act as a barrier to prevent people from falling over the edge. With my left foot I stepped on top of his right toes to lock him in place, put my hand on his shoulder and dug into his subclavian artery with my thumb. He winced from the discomfort and tried to pull back to no avail. I could see fear in his eyes and the red marks on his face from where friend zone’s punches had landed. I leaned into him slightly, began tapping his chest hard with the three longest fingers of my right hand and said in a clear and direct voice “The girl is off limits to you. One more note, one more conversation, one more glance in her direction, and I will introduce you to a darkness you don’t even know exists.” I then leaned in further and with the most disturbing and intense look I could muster growled “Touch her and not even god will hear your ******* prayers”. He did not move, he did not blink, he didn’t even take a breath. Time stood still for a moment before I expressed that this was not a threat but a very generous one-time-only warning. I had a very difficult times wrestling my demons and not just tossing him over the edge.
I let go of his shoulder but reached around with my right hand and firmly grasped the back of his neck as I hard-walked him over to the friend zone guy who was now standing by the Audi watching us. The words “If the police come, I will regal them with a story all about how I saw you physically assault this young man, and he will back that story up.” came out of my mouth before I squeezed his neck and whispered directly into his left ear, “you are not her protector, I am, and you will never meet anyone that has killed more men than me” then I let go. He took a few slow unsteady steps before running full speed back to his car, never once looking back before jumping in and squealing out of his parking space. I looked over at friend zone whose eyes were large and round as he mumbled “holy ****” and took one step back. I told him it was time to get our stories straight before I explained to him what really happened and made him recite it back to me in his own words, twice. I then told him to repeat it in his head until he believed it. I also made it clear that we were not sharing details with the ladies, but we were going to keep an eye on both of them for the next few days. As I started walking back to my car he spoke up and said “hey, uh, um what happens if he tries something else with her?” I just turned back to him and said “Then I introduce him to the darkness.”
Once back in the Challenger I texted the daughter, without any context, “You really should give [friend zone] a chance. He’s a good kid and he’s watching out for you.” She responded, “Yeah, I know. Maybe I will.” Then I called the lady to share the abridged version of the above and to assure her that I delivered a friendly warning about continued interaction, a warning I felt landed but still required vigilance by all of us. She asked if I was sure the boy got the message and I replied, “mentally ill people usually don’t get scared, this boy almost wet his pants”. She ended the topic of conversation with me by simply saying “Well, whatever happened, thank you for being her guardian angel”. A short time later I received a call from the daughter asking what occurred in the parking garage, advising that friend zone stopped over shortly after she received my text. She said to him “maybe you should ask me out one more time” expecting a happy invite and an actual first date to put on the calendar. Only he responded, “Um, sorry but I’m not asking you out without checking with your mom’s boyfriend first” and refused to offer any specifics. I know I smiled that time. She showed him my text message from earlier, and he seemed surprised but jumped at the opportunity and officially asked her out on a date. She said yes.
And now I will spend the next few days tracking the boy’s vehicle and his phone. This job at the firm has already come in handy a few times.
I received a call from the lady who was already somewhere between concerned and angry before she clicked the green button on her phone. It seems her daughter has an unrequited love interest, a young male who wants to date her but does not seem to understand that no thank you means it’s not going to happen. And no, I am not talking about the guy she has in the friend zone. I am confident that she likes him, she just can’t bring herself to let the traffic light turn from orange to green so he can proceed. And he seems more than willing to just sit at the intersection of patience and worth-the-wait until it happens.
A week or so back the male approached her in the hallway outside of one of her classes and struck up a conversation. She has seen him around and spoken to him a few times before, but they aren’t really friends, just barely acquaintances. After a minute or two of small talk he asked her out, she said ‘thanks but no thanks’ adding that she is sole focused on work and school and has no plans on dating anyone. Her way of letting him know it wasn’t personal, she just had other priorities. Message not received. The male started showing up at the coffee shop she works at, by pure coincidence of course, trying to monopolize her time. She again explained that she was not interested and his being there could cause issues with her employer. He stopped following her around but was still showing up every time she worked. Meanwhile her friends and co-workers began informing her that the male has tried to get her phone number from them under the guise that he accidentally deleted it, or he needed to text her about class, or some other excuse. She decided to report this to both her supervisor at work and to an instructor who passed it on to campus security. The coffee shop manager asked him to stop coming by and campus security advised her that he hadn’t violated any rules of conduct but to keep them informed. Both were a step in the right direction, but neither were all that helpful.
Then the notes started to appear, notes on her car after class, notes in her textbooks, etc. The notes weren’t threatening but were disconcerting and would always include his phone or snap chat or some other way for them to communicate. The daughter decided at this point to tell the friend zone guy about the situation who in turn skipped class at the end of last week and waited by her car instead. Sure enough, the male shows up and friend zone confronted him. It reportedly almost turned into a physical confrontation with some chest puffing and a little pushing, but the male walked off and the friend zone guy got to prove something to the daughter. The key take away here was that the male remained undeterred and somehow convinced himself persistence was key to winning her over.
It was at this point that the daughter decided to tell her mom the whole story. Not because of the shoving match, but because when she went out to retrieve something from her car she found another note… only this time at home. And this note rode the line between creepy and full on mentally ill.
“My dearest [name],
I know you don’t love me, but one horrible day you were really nice to me. You are always nice, nice to everyone. You give out niceness like it’s free. But that one day, that one ******* awful day, you were nice just for me. You smiled at me, just me. And I love you for it. You cut me free from my old self and helped me become someone new, someone special. Special like you have always been. I watch you, stare at you, think about you, dream about you. I collect little bits of you. A pen your hand once grasped, a straw your lips used to drink, a note you crumpled up and threw away, a strand of hair left on your desk. I have mental folders full of images of your face, your smile, your bright shining light. Can you feel me watching you? Can you feel me sending positivity and love toward you? You know my name, you have seen my face, you said no but did you really mean it? You smile at me every day. I watch you to make sure you’re safe. I am a security guard, so I know how to keep people safe, how to protect you. I will never let anyone hurt you, not even that fucker who follows you around all the time. I made him go away once and I will do it again. I am strong and I am committed. Committed to you. I will wait for you, provide for you, protect you, as long as it takes. That’s what love is.
Always and forever, [name]”
I imagine her mom immediately flashed back to her trip to the shooting range and those holes instantly appearing in the target as she pulled the trigger. However instead of acquiring a 9mm, what she did was call me, and I will admit my first instincts were quite dark and very permanent. It was fortunate that it took me over an hour of travel time to get back to them. Once back at the apartment, slightly calmer and with both the lady and her daughter in my view, I set out to do what I do. This stalker was about to have another horrible day, he just didn’t know it yet.
I did some quick research, called in some favors, and discovered that the male was 20 years old, 5’10” and 170lbs according to his driver’s license. I will hence forth refer to him as boy because no man would behave this way and calling him male seems too generous. The boy’s social media indicated he was attending college for criminal justice, which I found both ironic and unsurprising. I don’t know the kid, but something tells me he will end up in a low-level prison job or spend his whole career in retail security. He has a sealed juvenile record but no documented arrests or citations in the last two years. In my experience people like him are incapable of rational thought and will not get the message directly or indirectly from normal communication. They are also not always dissuaded easily and something would need to happen to sour the milk and turn him off to her as a love interest. I decided to take a page out of friend zone’s book and spend some time watching her car for his next note.
I sat in the Challenger for a few hours at the school, parked a little back and across the one-way street from her Audi as the daughter attended her morning classes. The boy did not show. Eventually she returned to her car and left for home, unbeknownst to her with her mother’s boyfriend following close behind. She parked on the second floor of the large concrete parking ramp and took the skywalk across to her building. I parked nearby and sat for a while hoping the boy would show up. While visually monitoring the area I observed the friend zone guy show up in a compact Ford SUV and park within view of the daughter’s vehicle. We both sat there for some time. I listened to a couple radio talk shows and scrolled through images on my Instagram app to pass the time. A few cars came and went, before a newer silver sedan pulled in, parked and the boy got out. I was pleased and I am sure a grin formed on my face. He looked both ways, apparently expecting anyone on the lookout for him to be dressed in bright orange with a flashing sign. As he walked straight toward the girl’s Audi with a note and a single flower in his hand, before I even opened my car door, the friend zone guy arrived on foot to confront him.
I used the distraction to place a Brickhouse tracker on the sedan before I stood and watched from the shadows as they argued and threatened one other. Eventually friend zone had enough and popped the boy with a decent jab. The boy swung back with a wild reactive punch, failing to connect before the boy popped him again. Unfortunately, he failed to take full advantage of the opportunity to put him down. The boy stepped in and landed a punch of his own before the two stood and grappled for a few seconds before the boy managed to trip up friend zone who fell to the concrete floor. It was clear that friend zone was more than capable of handling himself but needed some instruction on finishing what he started.
I stepped into the light and marched right at the boy. He heard me coming just in time to look over, see me and instinctively start walking backwards. I walked him back into the braided steel cables meant to act as a barrier to prevent people from falling over the edge. With my left foot I stepped on top of his right toes to lock him in place, put my hand on his shoulder and dug into his subclavian artery with my thumb. He winced from the discomfort and tried to pull back to no avail. I could see fear in his eyes and the red marks on his face from where friend zone’s punches had landed. I leaned into him slightly, began tapping his chest hard with the three longest fingers of my right hand and said in a clear and direct voice “The girl is off limits to you. One more note, one more conversation, one more glance in her direction, and I will introduce you to a darkness you don’t even know exists.” I then leaned in further and with the most disturbing and intense look I could muster growled “Touch her and not even god will hear your ******* prayers”. He did not move, he did not blink, he didn’t even take a breath. Time stood still for a moment before I expressed that this was not a threat but a very generous one-time-only warning. I had a very difficult times wrestling my demons and not just tossing him over the edge.
I let go of his shoulder but reached around with my right hand and firmly grasped the back of his neck as I hard-walked him over to the friend zone guy who was now standing by the Audi watching us. The words “If the police come, I will regal them with a story all about how I saw you physically assault this young man, and he will back that story up.” came out of my mouth before I squeezed his neck and whispered directly into his left ear, “you are not her protector, I am, and you will never meet anyone that has killed more men than me” then I let go. He took a few slow unsteady steps before running full speed back to his car, never once looking back before jumping in and squealing out of his parking space. I looked over at friend zone whose eyes were large and round as he mumbled “holy ****” and took one step back. I told him it was time to get our stories straight before I explained to him what really happened and made him recite it back to me in his own words, twice. I then told him to repeat it in his head until he believed it. I also made it clear that we were not sharing details with the ladies, but we were going to keep an eye on both of them for the next few days. As I started walking back to my car he spoke up and said “hey, uh, um what happens if he tries something else with her?” I just turned back to him and said “Then I introduce him to the darkness.”
Once back in the Challenger I texted the daughter, without any context, “You really should give [friend zone] a chance. He’s a good kid and he’s watching out for you.” She responded, “Yeah, I know. Maybe I will.” Then I called the lady to share the abridged version of the above and to assure her that I delivered a friendly warning about continued interaction, a warning I felt landed but still required vigilance by all of us. She asked if I was sure the boy got the message and I replied, “mentally ill people usually don’t get scared, this boy almost wet his pants”. She ended the topic of conversation with me by simply saying “Well, whatever happened, thank you for being her guardian angel”. A short time later I received a call from the daughter asking what occurred in the parking garage, advising that friend zone stopped over shortly after she received my text. She said to him “maybe you should ask me out one more time” expecting a happy invite and an actual first date to put on the calendar. Only he responded, “Um, sorry but I’m not asking you out without checking with your mom’s boyfriend first” and refused to offer any specifics. I know I smiled that time. She showed him my text message from earlier, and he seemed surprised but jumped at the opportunity and officially asked her out on a date. She said yes.
And now I will spend the next few days tracking the boy’s vehicle and his phone. This job at the firm has already come in handy a few times.
Are there not cameras at the apartment parking garage???
There are cameras, but they are heavily focused on people driving in, driving out, entering the skywalk, inside the elevators, etc. The general parking area might be partially covered but not well enough to make a positive identification and see exactly what's going on.
The lady has already paid for more premium parking so the daughter will no longer being parking in the ramp. The premium garage is inside/under the apartment complex and is considerably more difficult to get into unless you live there. They had been on the list waiting for another space but this incident helped them move things along and somehow magically another space became available.
The lady just texted me this picture and asked if I wanted her to order that t-shirt for me.
You all have not seen the last of the boy-creep.
I suspect next time will not be as innocent.
I suspect next time will not be as innocent.
I think that might not be the case, D scared this clown shitless without violence or weapon,s that is big, maybe if the stalker is nut bar enough, he might not learn, but narcisists don't like pain, and like the upper hand, D took care of all of that.
Very nice Marsh. I too expect this won't be the last time he'll show up. Might wait awhile.
Friend zone could use a few tips, but already shows the guts to stand up
Friend zone could use a few tips, but already shows the guts to stand up
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I'm not sure that you are right about this. You might be, but he has more than met his match in Marsh.
He knows that he could really get hurt by him if he doesn't cool his jets. He may continue to stalk her, but to change up his tactics. He may be quiet for a while. He has been observed, his car identified, now being tracked, and has been called out by someone who could take his life, and if nothing else, seriously put the hurt on him. It really depends on him, whether he has ever really encountered such strength and dominance by another man and if this speaks to him enough to put his tail between his legs and go away, or to continue to scheme until he comes up with another idea. He was given a strong message and now knows that two men are watching out for her, even if the friend is young and inexperienced with such situations.
I have got a feeling the younger one might be getting some tips, he has the basis, being protective, now he just needs danger training (and not that nerve pinch crap it only work on rookies)
Friend zone and I are going to spend some time together at the gym, the kind with heavy bags. He would have easily won that fight handily had he not shown mercy and just kept hitting that punk. If he wants to date the daughter, and he REALLY does, he is going to have to learn to keep her safe when they are out and about. He is almost 21 so some range time may be in order too.
My take away about the stalker is simple. He was having a crappy day and the girl, who is a genuinely nice person was of course nice to him. She smiles and laughs all the time and he decided she was smiling at him. His brain is confused because of movies, television and social media lying all the time and decided this was the origin story of a great romance. Her rejection just told him he wasn't trying hard enough. He perceived that friend zone was a threat against her, having no clue that he himself was the actual threat to her peace and well-being. The reality of it all came crashing down around him and he was made aware that he was the real threat all along, but also that much scarier threats exists and surround her. Now he has to weigh his personal safety against a relationship that he knows may have only been one sided, existing only in his mind. He has a family, educational goals, career goals, a job and other aspects of his life that he can turn to now that the daughter is off limits. I do not believe we will see him again, but I will act as if he is right around the corner waiting to test my word and my wrath. Pray for peace but prepare for war. I don't make idle threats.
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I know that I've told about this somewhere here before.
I had a student, a first grade girl, who started crying one day in class. As I investigated, I learned that there was a boy who would come behind her and put his hand under her hair at the neck and just lift it up, flip it. Nothing serious, right? Nope. He had been doing this to her for a while and she had asked him to stop. But he didn't stop. He was a second grade boy who was charming, good looking and liked by many of the other students.
For children of this age, this borders on being a sexual offense. What? Yes, for his age. Touching, not listening, not doing what he was asked, even if his touching was not on private parts. I had another story of three boys chasing down a young girl, knocking her to the ground, and pulling a scarf from her hair. This was considered a sexual offense for first and second grade boys and they were suspended for a few days for it. Imagine that these behaviors continue and they get bolder as they get older, and get more urges. No one reins them in. "Boys will be boys." We had another student who liked to wait for girls on the monkey bars to pull down their pants. Because he was a minority, he just got scolded by the principal. He ended up doing time for being involved in a gang rape as an adult.
Back to the girl who cried when her hair kept getting flipped. We had a class meeting where we discussed behaviors. Girls are taught to smile and be nice. For the girl whose hair was being flipped, that is exactly what she was doing, smiling and asking sweetly for him to stop. He saw the smile and thought that she didn't really mean it so he kept doing that to her hair, like it was a game. My message to the boys all those years ago was if a girl says, "Stop" or "Don't", listen to her and do exactly what she says, STOP. And to the girls, "You don't have to be nice, especially if they are not listening. You don't have to smile and be sweet to them. You can make a mean face and use a loud voice."
Lady's daughter, like many young women, is kind to others, and this is a young man who has mistaken the message she was giving to him. Actually, she wasn't giving him a message. He just wanted to give himself permission to be the jerk he was being.
I had a student, a first grade girl, who started crying one day in class. As I investigated, I learned that there was a boy who would come behind her and put his hand under her hair at the neck and just lift it up, flip it. Nothing serious, right? Nope. He had been doing this to her for a while and she had asked him to stop. But he didn't stop. He was a second grade boy who was charming, good looking and liked by many of the other students.
For children of this age, this borders on being a sexual offense. What? Yes, for his age. Touching, not listening, not doing what he was asked, even if his touching was not on private parts. I had another story of three boys chasing down a young girl, knocking her to the ground, and pulling a scarf from her hair. This was considered a sexual offense for first and second grade boys and they were suspended for a few days for it. Imagine that these behaviors continue and they get bolder as they get older, and get more urges. No one reins them in. "Boys will be boys." We had another student who liked to wait for girls on the monkey bars to pull down their pants. Because he was a minority, he just got scolded by the principal. He ended up doing time for being involved in a gang rape as an adult.
Back to the girl who cried when her hair kept getting flipped. We had a class meeting where we discussed behaviors. Girls are taught to smile and be nice. For the girl whose hair was being flipped, that is exactly what she was doing, smiling and asking sweetly for him to stop. He saw the smile and thought that she didn't really mean it so he kept doing that to her hair, like it was a game. My message to the boys all those years ago was if a girl says, "Stop" or "Don't", listen to her and do exactly what she says, STOP. And to the girls, "You don't have to be nice, especially if they are not listening. You don't have to smile and be sweet to them. You can make a mean face and use a loud voice."
Lady's daughter, like many young women, is kind to others, and this is a young man who has mistaken the message she was giving to him. Actually, she wasn't giving him a message. He just wanted to give himself permission to be the jerk he was being.
So true.
The lady is nice to a fault, her daughter is nice to a fault, they both smile all the time and while neither of them are ignorant to the dangers of the world they are a little too optimistic and polite when it comes to their fellow humans. I intend to balance that out with healthy opsec, situational awareness and self-defense. Brings me right back to the yin and the yang, only now they are on the dark side of the circle.
Also, I am starting to think there is something about working in the dental field and smiling all the time. Gotta show off those pearly whites!
